How do I love thee, Melissa McCarthy? The funny lady rocked her Saturday Night Live hosting gig this weekend, but the best skit (in my opinion!) was McCarthy's opening monologue, where she literally fell FLAT on her face thanks to a ridiculously high pair of glittery red platform heels.
Now admittedly, it was part of her act -- but still. How many of us have done the same thing when we DIDN'T mean to? Take a look:
"Oooh my quads are seizing up!" ... too funny! I'm pretty sure I've said that before. Also, I know exactly what MCCarthy's talking about when she says, "Wow, I can't feel anything from my arch to my toes. You could just bite that half off!"
I cleaned out my closet this weekend and found myself facing a troubling fact: I have more than a few pairs of shoes I can't bring myself to get rid of, even though the likelihood of me ever wearing them again is slim to none. WHY do so many gorgeous shoes have to be such torture? Or -- more to the point -- why do we keep buying them?
To be fair, I've gotten better as I've gotten older; I think the last pair of truly unwearable shoes I bought was a good three years ago. They were strappy matte-gold platform sandals, and I loved them. A birthday present to myself, they seemed fine in the store, but alas, they did not love me back -- as I found out when I got them home. All they wanted to do was hurt me.
I wore them into the city to an important work event one warm evening, and about 10 minutes into it, I realized I either had to sit down all night or chop my feet off. So much for mingling! Ridiculous. To get home, I had to take my strappy instruments of torture off and hobble BAREFOOT on the streets of NYC to the train station. Perhaps the cocktails my friends brought me were clouding my reasoning, but I knew I was up-to-date on my tetanus shot, and the potential of losing my toe to a stray shard of glass seemed a small price to pay for relief from my evening of foot-binding.
Of course, I've since learned my lesson: I always carry a back-up pair of flip-flops if I'm planning to totter around on anything over two inches. As for those shoes in my closet? Maybe it's time for a trip to Goodwill.
Do you own shoes that kill your feet?
Image via NBC