Shopping Is a Nightmare Because Trendy Tight Clothes Make My Butt Look Big

bright dressThis past weekend, I had what is probably best described as the single worst shopping experience of my entire life. I ventured into one of my favorite, go-to stores in the hopes of finding a couple of new dresses and/or skirts to perk up my spring wardrobe a bit.

And when I first walked in, I was delighted with the selection of bright colors and different styles. I couldn't wait to try a bunch of pieces on and have a fun little fashion show while strutting my stuff in front of the three-way mirror outside of the dressing room the nice sales girl stuck me in. (What? You never venture out of the room so everyone else in the fitting area can tell you how great you look?)


But as soon as I went to zip up the first dress -- the trauma started. Um, can someone please tell me what is up with all the butt-hugging fabrics this season? My weight has been the same for months, so it's not like I was trying on sizes that were way too small or anything. In fact, even when I went up a size, every skirt and dress I put on clung to my ass like glue -- to the point where I felt like I belonged on a street corner selling my (ahem) services.

Seriously, people. When did dressing like a hooker become all the rage? It's like every piece I tried on was tighter than the last. And when the nice sales girl came to ask me how everything was going, and I told her the stuff I was trying on was way too tight, she told me that's how the clothes are supposed to fit. They're supposed to be tight so your butt sticks straight out there for all the world to see.

And I'm guessing if you have a body like a supermodel or A-list actress, this isn't a big deal. But as a 35-year-old mom of one whose cottage cheese filled rear end isn't even close to being considered "perky," I just can't pull off the tight stuff to save my life. (Did I mention that I'm not a hooker?)

Want to hear how my shopping ordeal ended? Well, when I finally exited that dressing room, I noticed another woman, who appeared to be a good 10 years younger than me, trying on one of the same dresses in front of the big three-way mirror. And you know what? She looked like a hooker too. (But I think she still bought the dress. To each her own.)

I, on the other hand, wound up purchasing a couple 3/4-length tops, which I'll pair with the trusty black pants I've had for years that hug my ass in a good way.

And I guess from here on out, I either need to find a new place to shop or I need to find a time machine to take me back to the early 2000s where I belong.

(Or maybe even the 1950s.)

How do you feel about tight fabrics being in style right now?


Image via ... love Maegan/Flickr

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