My 'Skinny Clothes' Make Me Feel Fat & Depressed but I Refuse to Get Rid of Them

skinny pantsOne of the main things on my to-do list next week is something I absolutely dread, but it's something that HAS to be done. I'm talking about cleaning out my closet in an effort to free up some space for the new spring and summer clothes I'll likely be purchasing.

And if I want to make room for the new stuff, then I have to weed out some of the old pieces, which is something I struggle with every single year. Confession: I refuse to let go of my "skinny" clothes -- because I desperately cling to the idea of actually getting my ass in gear and being able to wear them again one day.

I know, I know -- everyone has a few outfits from last season that don't fit because we're still carrying excess winter weight. But in addition to those types of clothes -- I still have stuff that I wore a good 10 years ago. (And the pants in the photo are from 2011. Those babies don't fit right now either.)

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Take my first ever pair of designer jeans that I bought before I got married, for starters. They're still in great condition and they're certainly not out of style. However, considering I weighed about 118 pounds (I'm almost 5'6") when I purchased them, they really aren't an option for me to wear right now.

And then there's the teeny-tiny short-shorts I remember wearing in the Florida Keys while I was on my honeymoon. I still have those stashed away in the back of the closet too -- because surely with a little willpower, I can squeeze back into them again just in time for summer.

That's only one of the delusional thoughts that goes through my brain as far as my 10-years-ago clothes go. And I experience the exact same thing every single year. I pull them out of my closet knowing all too well they haven't been seen on my body in ages, and then in the next breath, I bitch and moan about how fat I am and vow to do everything in my power to lose weight so I can finally wear them again.

And guess what? Nine times out of ten, it never happens. Sure, I've had one or two instances in the past decade where I've been thin enough to wear these outfits for a month or so at best. But overall, they hang on my hangars and sit on my shelves collecting dust -- and every time I notice them in my closet, I feel a twinge of depression over the realization that they may never fit again.

I know I probably need to bite the bullet and go ahead and accept that my body isn't the same as it was when I was 25 and get rid of the skinny duds -- but I'm just not sure I'm ready.

As strange as this may sound, I associate letting go of the clothes I wore when I looked my very best as giving up on my appearance altogether. By getting rid of my skinny wardrobe, it's like I'm admitting to the world that I'll never be skinny again, and that I don't care that I'll never be skinny again.

And you know what? I do care. A lot.

Sigh. What's a girl to do? Do I keep the clothes and let the pattern continue for another 10 years? Or do I remove them from my closet once and for all, take a deep breath, and pledge to accept my body size at this point in my life?

(Maybe I'll play it safe and start by saying goodbye to the honeymoon shorts just to see how it goes.)

Do you have any clothes you keep simply because you hope to fit into them again one day?

 

Image via Mary Fischer

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