Stop Making Men's Underwear Look Like Something My Toddler Would Wear!

Rant 16

superman underwearI have a 4-year-old son and he loves superhero underwear. He has Batman and Spider-Man and Green Lantern. He has Legos and Transformers and Star Wars, too. The variety and fun of his underwear made him excited to potty train and helped him to learn to dress himself and get excited about picking out his underwear in the morning. Good times for my preschooler!

But yeah. Once he is past 10, I kind of expect him to wear normal boy underwear. Gray, white, black. These are all acceptable colors.

Unfortunately, it seems someone didn't get the memo. My husband and I were shopping in a store the other day when he made the appalling discovery that all of the underwear ... looked like toddler underwear!

There was Spider-Man! Angry Birds! Star Wars! Rubber ducks wearing neckties!

"It's kind of sad that there is no difference between the men's department and the kids' department," my husband said, cringing. Indeed, it is.

Look, I get that women's underwear sometimes runs cutesy, too. I have seen Mickey Mouse and Tweety Bird in the lingerie department. But it's generally understood that these are ooky, abnormal things. This isn't "sexy." It's also not 95 percent of the department.

My husband actually couldn't FIND a pair of underwear that didn't have some kind of cartoon character on it. Maybe I am being picky, but I am not all that into the idea of my husband coming to bed all ready for sexy time and stripping down to his Batman underoos. There is something kind of sex-killing about that idea.

With all due respect, what MEN like this? Seriously? Do I know them? Do the investment banker dads I see around my town secretly have R2D2 underoos beneath their suits? Is every grown man just a Peter Parker wannabe who can strip off his Brooks Brothers button-down to reveal his spidey suit?

I sure as hell hope not. How can we ever expect men to act like men if we treat them -- and their genital region -- like toddlers? I say we collectively get together and say no more. My man is going to wear gray boxer briefs by the dozen. And because he does, he is going to get A LOT more play-dates with his favorite sexy sidekick.

Are you into boy underwear on men?

 

Image via Amazon

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