A couple of months ago, I spent an afternoon making an ass out of myself with The Stir's Lindsay Ferrier as part of Lindsay's "I'll Take That Dare" show. We took to the streets of Nashville wearing Japanese beauty products that promised to take years off of our faces. We looked asinine and the only thing the products resulted in was our getting looked at like we were insane, and chocolate ice cream never being all that appealing again.
Unlike my pre-mommy days when I'd easily embarrass, I would take that dare again, because walking around looking like an idiot pales in comparison to some of the things my children have put me through.
There's an obvious reason hilarious Lindsay was chosen as the host of this show -- Moms? We've got nothing to lose. Do I cringe at my bra lines and wish I'd chosen my attire more carefully that day? Yes. Would I have preferred a few more shots without the nose slimmer? Probably. Am I hiding under my covers because of it? Hardly. I've been through worse. Much, much worse.
Here's a look back at 10 things that led to my inability to embarrass:
1. Pooping on the delivery table. With all three children.
2. Having my son take off his diaper, lower his pants, and proceed to pee on the floor of an upscale furniture store.
3. That terrible night last year when my children were all misbehaving and I screamed at the top of my lungs only to look behind me and see the window wide open and the neighbors gawking.
4. Having to pee in a diaper on the highway because there was simply no other option.
5. Having my son whip open the dressing room door at Nordstrom when I was wearing nothing but underwear and engaged in a battle with Spanx.
6. Having my daughter teach the phrase "fuck it" to her entire pre-school class.
7. The time I was thrown up on and had to walk through pre-school like a wet-shirt contestant. Wrong day to wear a white shirt and black bra.
8. Trying to act professional at a business meeting, only to notice that my sleeves had been used as tissues earlier that morning.
9. Every pre-natal visit.
10. Having a friend tell me her son loved riding in my car because it was so messy and he could just throw his snack on the floor.
Looking like an ass on the streets of Nashville? Bring it on.