It's hard to say what Mariah Carey was thinking when she plucked this white and black plaid dress out of her closet and put it on, with a belted corset, mind you, to do some shopping in Aspen, Colorado. Part of me wants to believe that Mariah and I have the same problem in that we buy ridiculously hideous designer clothes because they're on sale for 96 percent off, then feel like we have to wear them because we bought them. It's a condition I'm not pleased to admit.
But there's something about her smile that's throwing me off. She's not exhibiting any embarrassment, as I would, or painful, hopeless regret, as would only be appropriate. Nay. Instead she looks happy, and even a bit proud, of this surely steeply marked-down dud. Mariah, come on, you're better than that.
Even the hair is a disaster. And the earrings. And I know I already mentioned the belt, but dang, that thing is the worst. I wonder what it does to one when sitting. Does it push one's fat to the bottom, or to the top? Does it impede one's peeing position? So many questions, so few answers.
There is one thing I like about this ensemble, though. It's like a half-assed throwback to her Dreamlover days in the early '90s. You guys remember those, right? When she was married to Tommy Mottola and could only wear plaid and her hair curly? God, she was, like, the best back then, wasn't she? She's still awesome nowadays, but I can't tell you how many times I fired up her Number One's CD in m'mom's minivan. There was nothing better than Mariah, on fiyah, in the '90s.
Anyway, plaid Mariah nostalgia aside, this dress is a disaster. There's no other way to put it. Here's to her making better, non picnic-table-like fashion choices in 2013.
Do you like Mariah's dress?
Photo via Splash News