Thongs Are Really Just Torture Devices No Woman Should Wear

thongRemember the corset? The ones from way back when women essentially gave themselves 24-hour agita? We were really repressed (and pressed in) back then. Not cool. You know what else isn't cool? Thongs. Why anyone would want to wear something all up in your butt cheeks is beyond me. One wrong wiggle, and that string can get all up in your lady parts.

I could see if you want to be all sexy pants and wear them for the five seconds before your lover rips them off, but an all-day affair with your butt munching a piece of fabric? No thanks. Still, I know some women who prefer the thong and it's baffling why.


The number one reason, though, seems to be panty lines. PANTY LINES? Why care about panty lines? You can't see them unless you have a mirror, so just pretend anything back there isn't an issue. Besides, I heard from one guy one time that panty lines are sexy because he feels he can envision the shape of the woman's ass better that way. Hmm ... okay that might be a reason to wear a thong instead. As for me, I'd rather nix anything that you can see panty lines in than wear some butt floss. No thank you! My butt prefers to expel things rather than take them in. I guess you all now know where I stand on anal sex.

By the way, one of my friends, who used to be a thong-only kind of gal, stopped when she got vaginal e. coli. True story. Some boy shorts (and medicine) quickly remedied her ailing vagina.

It's why we wipe front to back, ladies. It's why we shouldn't have pieces of fabric all intimate in the rear. And oh my gosh, could you imagine wearing a thong with a hemorrhoid?!

Thongs. They don't cover your butt cheeks, which essentially makes them colder. They are like a wedgie that just will not quit. It's a terrible torture invention that no woman should wear. Supposedly invented by a man, thongs should never be worn by a woman.

Do you wear thongs? If so, why?


Image via movethelife/Flickr

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