Why I Hate Getting My Hair Cut

Rant 10

salonAbout three weeks ago, my sister popped an intervention on me. "Your clothes say 'cool'," she explained with an inhale, "but your hair says 'sister wife'."

It was time, I learned, for the absolute loathsome task of going to get a haircut.

I'm just one of those laid-back people who doesn't really care too much about my hair. It grows fast, I know that much, and it's curly, unless I straighten it. It's in a top-knot if it's not down. It's usually unwashed (because it's healthier and it saves time) and it doesn't get greasy unless I accidentally scratch an itch with a fork covered in gravy, which has happened exactly never. OK, once. Fine! Twice. God. What's with you and the third degree?

Haircuts aren't a necessity because I never really have a style, it's just, you know, on my head and makes me avoid looking bald. A win if ever there was one.

So it's not that the cutting of the hairs is traumatic or anything. I don't even mind paying stupid NYC prices for a new "'do", either. My problem, people, the reason I hate getting my haircut, friends, is because of the mirrors.

In what world is it considered a luxury, or a nice way to treat yourself, by sitting in front of a floor to ceiling mirror for 45 minutes in a backwards cape? It's hell.

First you sit down with your kind of gross hair, because yeah, you haven't even bothered to try and make it look nice since you knew you were getting your hair done this week. You didn't even try, and it shows. And now you're sitting there (and by the way, no one looks good sitting in front of a mirror) with a stylist folding and poking your dirty mane as you try to avoid direct eye contact with ... yourself.

After the hair washing, which is never really unpleasant, you come back to the awful haircutting seat to see that yesterday's makeup has started running down your face, and that GOOD GOD, wet hair is not your best look. In fact, this is probably the worst you've looked in months.

And that's just the beginning. You have to sit there, in that horrible salon lighting, and play the "Am I looking in the mirror too much? Too little? Am I too vain? Am I too scared? Do I look in the mirror more or less than the person next to me? OH GOD AM I DOING MY MIRROR FACE?!" game for the better part of an hour.

The blow-drying provides somewhat of a barrier between you and your reflection, but then, then, they go ahead and double it.

The stylist forces you to hold a hand mirror and spins you around in front of the gigantic mirror in a sadistic dance that will only stop once you've thoroughly convinced them you like what you see.

I don't know about you, but they could've shaved my head like a deranged Britney Spears and I still wouldn't have been able to tell them fast enough how much I like it, just to make the mirror spinning stop. Ooh, it feels so light! Putting on a swim cap will be so much easier now, thank you!

Once you're done, you catch yourself and your new hair in the hateful mirror, but it's no use -- the uneven spotlights make you look like your half-dead twin sister. The lighting is, in fact, so unforgiving that just two weeks ago, when I went through this so that I could once again look like a well-adjusted member of society and not some polygamist cult follower, I believe I spotted some cellulite on my teeth.

See you in November, 2013, salon.

Do you like going to get your hair cut?

 

Photo via the miami story/Flickr

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Felly... FellyScarlett

I've been best friends with my hair stylist since high school, so that helps.

Adie0510 Adie0510

Yeah I'm not a fan either, but it can't be helped. I usually put some effort into my makeup so that I won't sit there judging myself so harshly while in the salon chair. The only thing worse than the salon, is bathing suit shopping under fluorescent lighting, but at least no one sees how awful you look but yourself!

RMT1995 RMT1995

I love the process, but I know exactly what you mean.... I thought I was the only one who hated that mirror and unflattering overhead lights!

Shawna Taubner

My poor stylist always says that if she had to rely on me she'd never get to retire. I have a solid routine of getting my hair cut every 2-4 years, whether I need it or not!. I didn't really realize how much that blasted mirror had to do with it until you mentioned it, I thought I was just lazy.  But really, would it kill them not to put fun-house mirrors in there that make me look 30 lbs heavier?

purpl... purpleflower514

I also hate looking at myself when getting a haircut. I also hate spending money on a haircut when I generally put my hair in a ponytale.

Miche... MichelleNYC

Never had a salon cut in my life! Mom always cut it and now I cut myself, I have wavy hair that doesn't frizz or tangle so subtle layers is always best and damn easy to cut as well :) 

BPayne09 BPayne09

Think about us hair stylist who have to look in the mirror all day! Granted we are standing and the whole point of the mirror is to help us do your hair quickly and correctly so we do typically look at your hair more than anything else but it still sucks for us too!

nonmember avatar skipper

I thought I was the only one that felt this way. I hate getting my hair cut and the mirror thing is one of the main reasons. I feel like getting my haircut is one of the most awkward things in the world.

stara... starandseen

I love getting my hair cut. It only takes 15 minutes but it's 15 minutes of relaxation, just sitting there not having any responsibility. It's great. When I used to get my hair highlighted, it was a really pleasant 2 hours that I was allowed to do nothing and it felt good.

Betwe... BetweenCourses

I agree on the mirror thing, but why when I ask for a slight trim... Just a half an inch, why arethere always 2 inch long pieces of hair on the floor? I wish that when i said half an inch, maybe an inch that that would be the most they take off..... It took me 6 months to grow that and now it's a smidge too long but she chopped off 4 months worth of growth! Every time, every salon, every stylist!

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