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3 Reasons 'Open-Crotch Underwear' Just Doesn't Make Sense

by Jenny Isenman on November 15, 2012 at 9:30 AM

As a pretty trendy mom, I’m a HUGE fan of Hanky Panky. Really, who isn't? That said, their "split-crotch thong" is completely lost on me, and I can't figure out if it's because I've become boring and unfashionable or it's just a really stupid idea.

I recently visited the "What's New" section of (which I check out religiously) and there they were -- the After Midnight Open Thongs ($16) -- in the company of some amazing moto jackets
and a fabulous dome ring. Marveling at the slit-laden undies, I asked myself these important questions ...

  • Have I been wearing undies (in my case, thongs) for all the wrong reasons? I don't wear undies to obscure my vajayjay from view. That's my clothing's job, thank you very much. And I certainly don't wear them because I love having a thick strip of fabric up my ass. I wear them to eradicate panty lines while maintaining a barrier between my hooha and the "elements," i.e., stiff denim, sweat-inducing Lycra, drafts ...
  • If people don't wear panties to separate their "areas" from their jeans, slacks, and yoga pants, why wear them at all? I don't need things rubbing up in there, and if there's moisture ... well, you get the picture! (TMI? Sorry, just shooting from the hip, well ... the vaginal canal.) But, if none of that bothers you, I say put your $16 toward a latte (that's about how much they cost these days) and go commando.
  • Is it really that hard to take off your undies in the heat of the moment? Do men really need such immediate access? And if so, who are these men? After 13 years of marriage, I feel like sex is never quite THAT urgent. Plus, I have to wonder about a guy that finds it too tedious to move your undies an inch to the side. Good luck getting that guy to take out the garbage!

No, my vagina is a delicate flower that enjoys some lacy enhancement as much as the next vagina, but she needs a barrier. If not, who knows what could get in there? So, I will not be buying split-crotch thongs. I will, however, keep my fingers crossed for a romp that's so heated, it'll make me wish I had a pair!

Image via Polyvore

Filed Under: sex, romance tip


  • Pinkmani


    November 15, 2012 at 9:33 AM

    I thought you just threw them on right before you get it on...

  • Kimbyann


    November 15, 2012 at 9:38 AM
    Its for sex..
  • doubl...


    November 15, 2012 at 9:41 AM
    Haha, they are not meant to be worn shopping or to the gym. Although I'm sure some people do that. They go under lingerie, or can be worn alone. A lot of men like them, and they don't need to be taken off like regular underware.
  • Fondue


    November 15, 2012 at 10:17 AM

    "Plus, I have to wonder about a guy that finds it too tedious to move your undies an inch to the side. Good luck getting that guy to take out the garbage!"

    Thanks for the giggle!   :)

  • leona24


    November 15, 2012 at 10:47 AM
    This is something to wear when you want something sexy to show your guy when you get home. Definately not for everyday wear....
  • dirti...


    November 15, 2012 at 11:00 AM

    this entire article just cracked me up. maybe that should be one of the dares for the poor blogger that has to do everything - wear crotchless panties to the gym or something. LOL! but in all seriousness, they're just some sexy panties to spice things up. besides, as much as guys like it when us gals play coy, i've heard from more than one fella that he loves a girl who's raring to go for him. and i don't think you get much more 'rarin' to go' than having easy-access-entry. lol

  • Valda...


    November 15, 2012 at 1:28 PM
    Are you sure these aren't meant to be worn droogie-style, on the ouside of your clothes with suspenders? Or maybe as dirtiekittie suggests, "bloggie"-style. lol
  • BGarcel


    November 15, 2012 at 2:07 PM

    I think she is being sarcastic. But anyway, as some have already said, crotchless thongs are mostly for sex. So they are lingerie and not really meant to be worn daily for normal day to day activities like regular thongs are.

    With having said that though, I must admit I did wear these as one would wear a regular thong to get me sexually excited and stay sexually excited as a treat for my husband.

  • curly...


    November 15, 2012 at 3:42 PM
    These are to wear when you are on top.
  • Gabri...


    November 15, 2012 at 6:44 PM

    I don't get it.  Isn't seeing the girl totally naked the goal?  Maybe they are to wear when you haven't had time to get a wax. haha.

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