3 Reasons 'Open-Crotch Underwear' Just Doesn't Make Sense

Say What!? 18

As a pretty trendy mom, I’m a HUGE fan of Hanky Panky. Really, who isn't? That said, their "split-crotch thong" is completely lost on me, and I can't figure out if it's because I've become boring and unfashionable or it's just a really stupid idea.

I recently visited the "What's New" section of ShopBop.com (which I check out religiously) and there they were -- the After Midnight Open Thongs ($16) -- in the company of some amazing moto jackets
and a fabulous dome ring. Marveling at the slit-laden undies, I asked myself these important questions ...

  • Have I been wearing undies (in my case, thongs) for all the wrong reasons? I don't wear undies to obscure my vajayjay from view. That's my clothing's job, thank you very much. And I certainly don't wear them because I love having a thick strip of fabric up my ass. I wear them to eradicate panty lines while maintaining a barrier between my hooha and the "elements," i.e., stiff denim, sweat-inducing Lycra, drafts ...
  • If people don't wear panties to separate their "areas" from their jeans, slacks, and yoga pants, why wear them at all? I don't need things rubbing up in there, and if there's moisture ... well, you get the picture! (TMI? Sorry, just shooting from the hip, well ... the vaginal canal.) But, if none of that bothers you, I say put your $16 toward a latte (that's about how much they cost these days) and go commando.
  • Is it really that hard to take off your undies in the heat of the moment? Do men really need such immediate access? And if so, who are these men? After 13 years of marriage, I feel like sex is never quite THAT urgent. Plus, I have to wonder about a guy that finds it too tedious to move your undies an inch to the side. Good luck getting that guy to take out the garbage!

No, my vagina is a delicate flower that enjoys some lacy enhancement as much as the next vagina, but she needs a barrier. If not, who knows what could get in there? So, I will not be buying split-crotch thongs. I will, however, keep my fingers crossed for a romp that's so heated, it'll make me wish I had a pair!


Image via Polyvore

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