Jennifer Lawrence is on the cover of W magazine's October issue adorned in feathers and face powder and looks a little bit like Rooney Mara, a little bit like Natalie Portman, and a little bit, just a little bit, like herself. While the photos of Jennifer are certainly stirring, it's what she said in her interview that really got my ears to perk up. Did Katniss just admit to wearing two pairs of Spanx under that flawless Calvin Klein red dress she wore to the 2011 Academy Awards?
Oh, come ON. She explains:
By the time of the actual Oscars, I was so sick of fittings and trains and corsets and people asking “What are you going to wear?” I had to go on a diet, because at all the parties there’s champagne and hors d’oeuvres. I ate so much! I think I wore two Spanx on the night of the awards.
First of all, the next time anyone complains about free champagne and finger foods, I'm going to slap them, and second of all, there's no way in hell Jennifer wore two Spanx that night. No. Way. I mean, did you see the photos of her in that dress? There wasn't a Spank to be seen. That dress so tight that if there was anything under it besides rock-hard skin, it'd be plain as day. Spanx aren't seamless; everyone knows that.
And third of all, what is with stars saying they've worn multiple pairs of Spanx like it's no big deal? First Adele, now Katniss. They make it sound so easy, like, Ha ha ha why yes, I'm wearing 47 pairs of Spanx right now, and sure my breathing's belabored and I haven't urinated in 14 hours, but it's fine! NBD!
Anyone who's worn Spanx before knows that they don't come without compromise. What you gain in slenderness, you lose in your willingness to live. They're so tight, so annoying, and so punishing that the thought of one pair makes me cringe, let alone TWO, or THREE, or FOUR.
If everyone's gonna pile on the Spanx when they go out, I'm going to have to ask that they build separate restrooms for the ladies wrapped up in elastic hell. I can't wait forever. It's only fair.
Do you like Spanx? How many have you worn at once?
Photo via Kevork Djansezian/Getty