Kim Kardashian's Version of the 'Miracle Dress' Makes Her Look Pregnant

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kim kardashian dressSo, Kim Kardashian has gone and hired a new stylist via Kanye to help her create a more "sophisticated" style -- and how's that working out for her? Just dandy, if what you mean by dandy is actually dowdy. Here's Kim in a dress that can only be described as the opposite of the optical illusion dress.

You know the dress I'm talking about? That Stella McCartney number where there's a curvy black silhouette on either side of the dress that POOF! just seems to make a few extra inches disappear into thin air? All you see is the white or colored panel in the center, which looks skinner than you actually are. Here's Jane Fonda wearing it. Here's Kate Winslet wearing it. Now let's talk about how Kim's dress gets it wrong.

Hmm, there's something different, but I just can't quite put my finger on it ... Oh yes! The color panel/black silhouette is reversed! Now, instead of a black shape that slices inches off of your figure, Kim's got a white silhouette that actually seems to add inches to her petite little frame. Not only that, it's not exactly body-skimming. It's more body-tenting.

Doesn't she know it's not supposed to look like this? I mean, her own mom has worn this dress. Here's Kris Jenner, wearing the damn optical illusion dress. Like a gangsta.

Okay, but it gets worse. Turn around, Kim. Show us the back. (Scroll down a bit on that link, you'll see it.)

Yeah -- a butt pleat! Oh for the love of ... Talk about hiding your assets. This dress makes no sense -- for anyone, but especially for Kim! I know Kim's badonkadonk needs plenty of room, but this is ridiculous. Is this also where she stores Kanye's Grammys? Because it looks like there's plenty of room there.

Kim, listen to me. Kim. KIM! (God, it's so hard to get her attention with all those photogs around.) Listen, "sophisticated" does not mean "fugly." You can still look sophisticated and sexy. Ditch your new stylist and just do whatever Diane Kruger does (since Beyonce would notice if you copied her) and you'll be fine. Trust us. Now get rid of that dress -- donate it as a tent for the Girl Scouts or something.

What do you think of Kim Kardashian's dress?

 

 Image via Pacific Coast News