Tracy Reese Persephone Shift dress ($400)It seems like when it comes to some of the most basic rules of the wedding road, you just can't win. So far I've learned that you can pretty much guarantee someone's going to complain about every last detail -- from the time of the ceremony to the type of champagne being served. It's inevitable. But thank goodness for certain traditions that can actually serve to protect a bride from irrationally irate guests. Like when's the last time you heard a wedding guest lament that they couldn't wear white? That's an obvious "no-no," right?
Not anymore! Nationally recognized etiquette expert Diane Gottsman recently wrote, "As long as guests do not upstage the bride or appear to be in competition with her, a winter white or summer cream dress is now considered okay." And she's not the only one with this controversial mentality!
Peggy Post told New York Times readers they only need to worry about not "unintentionally calling attention" or "causing offense to the bride." Hmm ... that said, you'd probably want to play it safe and ... just not wear white, right?! After all, there are plenty of other colors in the rainbow.
More from The Stir: 8 Colorful Wedding Dresses for the Bride Who Doesn't Want White
Okay, so there are definitely less conventional, more "off-beat," or simply laidback brides out there who could care less about a guest wearing white. But honestly, I'm the kind of bride for whom a guest in anything close to "bridal white" would be a problem. Especially because I'm not super-keen on bridal white myself (thinking I'd love it if my wedding dress was champagne or blush), and I wouldn't be too happy with someone looking as though they were trying to duke it out for the spotlight. And that applies to any kind of crazy flashy outfit that would draw extra, unwelcome attention. For instance, I once saw a chick at a black tie wedding in a way less classy, spandex-y get-up reminiscent of JLo's notorious Versace dress. Yes, really. What on earth was that girl thinking?!
Ultimately, what matters is considering the appropriateness of any outfit for the occasion and what the couple (and crowd -- no one wants to catch an aunt or granny talking smack about you behind your back) would appreciate. A good friend of mine, who had a wedding of about 50, actually asked all of her guests to come to wearing one article of clothing in her wedding colors (yes, even a dress). We guests had fun with it, and the group shot ended up looking awesome.
So, obviously, everyone's different. That's why sometimes, even the most age-old etiquette rules don't apply to every bride and groom. But when it comes to a question of making a move that may steal the show on their Big Day, you shouldn't need to ask Ms. Manners what to do.
How do you feel about guests wearing white to a wedding?
Image via BHLDN.com
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Comments 30
Guess I'm old fashioned in the fact that I think it's courteous and polite, not demanding, to be considerate of the bride and follow proper etiquette - don't wear white on *her* special day (you'll have yours one day too, promise!).
Agreed Smerkalot. I am getting married next November and in the planning am finding myself a bit more traditional than I would have thought. I am not insecure, jealous or a bridezilla. We are throwing the reception with our guests in mind but we are still the guests of honor. Wearing white, unless asked to by the bride & groom, is extremely impolite and absolutely not proper etiquette.
I recently stood up in a wedding where the entire wedding party was in white with peach accents - it was very beautiful. There were a couple of guests in white as well and no one thought anything about it at all.
I just looooved at my wedding that i had people saying how beautiful and hot my "sister in law" looked in her sequin cocktail dress.and small tiara...it was such a thoughtful nod to me to dress to the theme and look like a bride too...but a much better one...
When my aunt got married my mother dresses me in a white frilly dress and my aunt was so mad she yelled at me and told me I was a spoiled brat for wearing white on her day. I was 9 and wearing what I was told to wear. She never said a word to my mother or grandmother who were the ones who chose what I would wear that day. That was almost 30 years ago and my aunt still has bitter feelings about it directed at me. Funny things is when I got married (10 years ago this month) I didn't wear white I wore silver and when she came to my wedding she thought it was tacky that I wasn't wearing white. Some people you just can't please no matter what you do.
just dont wear white..just in case the bride wont be happy. its not a big deal.
Unless the white dress the guest is wearing has a veil and a train then who cares! I got married four years ago and can't for the life of me remember if anyone else wore white, i was much more preoccupied with other things.
But if someone over the age of 5 showed up wearing a tiarra, that would have bugged me.