J.Lo, oh no! Only a few days ago, Jennifer Lopez showed how to mesh style and practicality when she rocked a white bikini in Rio de Janeiro. The suit gave moms an idea of how to look sexy and like you could chase after kids. Well, nobody expected the stylista and mommy of twins would bring only one suit with her on vacation, and she's switched that white bikini out for one that no mom anywhere should really attempt.
The other suit, a plunging purple monikini is, shall we say, revealing? Look, she's got great boobs. I'm sure she's very, very proud of them. But if you want to have your bubs THAT much in play, I say go topless. This is just distracting and not in a good way. More like, When are her nipples gonna pop out? Now? In a few secs? I'd say whenever she goes in the water, or bends over or, um, moves.
Here are 8 other bathing suit types moms might do best to avoid.
Fishnet. Sorry, but fishnet anything -- unless it's stockings, and it can be dicey even then -- just looks trashy. Not to mention very 1987.
White. White tends to make you look bigger, which is fine, if you want to look bigger. I mean, if you're into that kind of thing. C'mon, who the HELL wants to look bigger? (Unless you're J.Lo. Then you can wear a white bikini.)
Thongs. Er, even if you're Gisele Bundchen, just no on the thong thing. Think of those tiny little granules of sand. And the places they will go.
Metal things. You know those suits with little metal rings and things hanging on them? Imagine your toddler grabbing on to those. All ... day ... long. Plus, some waterparks have banned them because they can get caught in rides.
Lycra. This material clings ... and clings ... and clings ... to alllll the wrong places. Plus, it's uncomfortable.
Triangle bikini tops. Unless you want to be flashing the beach your nippage, avoid the bikini tops with the teeny tiny triangle bits over your bubs.
See-through. I know see-through everything is all the rage right now, but unless you're Miley Cyrus, please avoid. And even Miley should bring it down a notch.
Board shorts. I don't care that you just gave birth last week and you weigh 20 pounds more than usual -- board shorts are for guys! C'mon, get a wrap-around if you must hide your backside.
What do you think of Jennifer's monokini? Would you wear it?
Image via Getty
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Comments 50
I think a properly designed and made fishnet suit would be sexy! The only ones I found are too expensive for me, the real restriction is that I prob wouldn't wear it to the beach because of the tanlines.
White is fine as most other colors. What women should watch out for is if you have pale skin, the white would make your skin look too pale or too red.
I wear thong suits on beaches that allow it and never once had problems with sand getting into places it shouldn't be. I just wear thongs that fit me. I've worn regular cut bikinis that didn't fit properly that did allow sand to get there though, so as long as your swimwear fits properly, you should have no problem.
My toddler did grab onto metal things on my bathing suit, but he was just as easily distracted with other things so it wasn't an actual problem.
As was said before, there is a real reason many suits are made of lycra. So I'll just leave it at that.
I have lots of triangle tops this author doesn't like. But my triangle tops are adjustable. I can slide them and adjust them to fit my boobs just the way I want them to. I never had nipple slippage while wearing them.
I have little in the form of see-through swimwear. But what I do have is mostly, not all ;D, fine for public beaches.
I don't wear board shorts but I don't see why it's only for males. It seems quite bitchy what you said about women who wear them. That being said, I find board shorts dorky on guys at the beach. They're so long it's almost like wearing pants. My husband doesn't like them either, he said they're too bulky and take forever to dry.
So, about what J-Lo is wearing... I like it. I wouldn't wear it because I don't wear monokinis, but if/when I do, I would like her suit.
She looks AMAZING. Snarkiness is not becoming...