Jennifer Lopez's Revealing Monokini Plus 8 Other Swimsuit No-Nos for Moms

J.Lo, oh no! Only a few days ago, Jennifer Lopez showed how to mesh style and practicality when she rocked a white bikini in Rio de Janeiro. The suit gave moms an idea of how to look sexy and like you could chase after kids. Well, nobody expected the stylista and mommy of twins would bring only one suit with her on vacation, and she's switched that white bikini out for one that no mom anywhere should really attempt.

The other suit, a plunging purple monikini is, shall we say, revealing? Look, she's got great boobs. I'm sure she's very, very proud of them. But if you want to have your bubs THAT much in play, I say go topless. This is just distracting and not in a good way. More like, When are her nipples gonna pop out? Now? In a few secs? I'd say whenever she goes in the water, or bends over or, um, moves.

Here are 8 other bathing suit types moms might do best to avoid.

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Fishnet. Sorry, but fishnet anything -- unless it's stockings, and it can be dicey even then -- just looks trashy. Not to mention very 1987.

White. White tends to make you look bigger, which is fine, if you want to look bigger. I mean, if you're into that kind of thing. C'mon, who the HELL wants to look bigger? (Unless you're J.Lo. Then you can wear a white bikini.)

Thongs. Er, even if you're Gisele Bundchen, just no on the thong thing. Think of those tiny little granules of sand. And the places they will go.

Metal things. You know those suits with little metal rings and things hanging on them? Imagine your toddler grabbing on to those. All ... day ... long. Plus, some waterparks have banned them because they can get caught in rides.

Lycra. This material clings ... and clings ... and clings ... to alllll the wrong places. Plus, it's uncomfortable.

Triangle bikini tops. Unless you want to be flashing the beach your nippage, avoid the bikini tops with the teeny tiny triangle bits over your bubs.

See-through. I know see-through everything is all the rage right now, but unless you're Miley Cyrus, please avoid. And even Miley should bring it down a notch.

Board shorts. I don't care that you just gave birth last week and you weigh 20 pounds more than usual -- board shorts are for guys! C'mon, get a wrap-around if you must hide your backside.

What do you think of Jennifer's monokini? Would you wear it?

 

Image via Getty

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