7 Weird Beauty Treatments Too Creepy for Most Women

vampireI am willing to suffer for sexiness. Why else would I wince my way through a wedding in those instruments of torture better known as Jimmy Choos?

I've been plucked, tweezed, peeled, and scrubbed. And no judgement here if a nip/tuck is your thing. However, when a friend of mine got the Vampire Facial, well, I realized there are some things just too damn creepy to do.

I'm all for the Cullen craze, but this takes things way too far. First blood is drawn from your arm. Then it's spun in a centrifuge to separate the platelets, which are later injected into your face with a needle. Ouch and ewww!

Here's what it's supposed to do: smooth out your face, neck, and decolletage.

Here's what it did to my friend: Her face was swollen and ripply, almost like there were walnuts burrowed under her skin. At best you figured she had a really bad allergic reaction. At worst, she was hit in the face.

Well, apparently that is a normal side effect. Sometimes the blood goop needs to settle. After a few days, it did and I admit her skin looked a bit more supple. But she is already so pretty, I couldn't understand why she would even try it to begin with. No way the sales pitch was that good. My motto: stick to the stuff that's been done a million times before, like Botox. There's no glory in being a vanity procedure pioneer.

Take a look at 6 other strange things women will do for beauty.

  • Breast Milk Soap


    Images via mwri/Flickr

    Breast milk isn't just nourishing for newborns. It's also the secret to baby-soft skin in grown-ups. Women have been making the milk into bars of soap. The problem is getting your hands on it if you aren't actually nursing. I guess there's always eBay. 

  • The Cinderella Procedure


    Images via aussiegall/Flickr

    There's hope for stiletto lovers who have fat feet. Also called a toe tuck, the procedure actually shaves a woman's foot down so that it will be narrow enough to fit into slim soles.

  • Eating a Human Placenta


    Image via Hurricane Mitch/Flickr

    Those who've tried it swear it gives you a glowing complexion. Other benefits being boasted: new mothers munch on the afterbirth to ward of postpartum depression and increase milk production. But isn't this technically cannibalism?

  • Bull Semen Hair Masque


    Image via Oli R/Flickr

    It's dubbed Viagra for hair. Created by London-based hairdresser Hari Salen, this 45-minute treatment will supposedly leave your mane well-nourished and unbelievably shiny.

  • The Nightingale Poo Facial


    Image via chapmankj75/Flickr

    First off, all bird poop is not equal, so scooping it off a park bench and slathering it on won't work. Spas offer a special formula that includes powdered Nightingale droppings. Evidently, the amino acids in the bird sh*t brighten the skin.

  • The Foot Tuck


    Image via Public Doman Photos/Flickr

    We all know that wearing heels can be hellish. But achy Choo lovers don't have to turn to flats. Doctors are injecting heels, balls of feet, and toe pads with dermal fillers to add extra cushioning.

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