britney spearsToo hawttt! Britney Spears pranced with a toned tummy and a $20,000 bra for a Twister Dance game commercial this weekend. The pop veteran was looking svelte in the photos she tweeted from the commercial shoot and ...

Wait a minute. Did you say $20,000 bra? THAT dingy gray thing? It's a sports bra. And it's kind of torn, in case no one's noticed.

You can barely even see the wee gold skulls with diamond eyeballs, the dangling Swarovski crystal hearts, and the silver threaded fabric (woven by French fairies, natch). Whatever! For $20,000 a bra should be a whole lot shinier than this. For that matter, a $20,000 bra better do more than scream bling.

Here's what I think a $20,000 bra ought to do for me.

  1. Make my boobs look like Jennifer Love Hewitt's.
  2. Provide air conditioning.
  3. Make phone calls.
  4. Raise my metabolism.
  5. Three words: Ryan Gosling geolocation (AKA RGG, FYI).
  6. Sing me to sleep every night.
  7. Alert me every time a funny cat video is uploaded.
  8. Send a tsunami of antioxidants and age-defying vitaminthingies through my system every hour.
  9. Do my taxes.
  10. Reduce my risk for breast cancer. Obviously.
  11. Give me orgasms, but not too often, and only at appropriate moments.
  12. Make dinner.
  13. Speak Esperanto.
  14. Filter toxins.
  15. Remind me of family members' birthdays.
  16. Turn into a cloak of invisibility.
  17. Put the kids to bed.
  18. Love me unconditionally.
  19. Take a sunrise, sprinkle it in dew, cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two.
  20. Provide just the right lift, support, and comfort.

What do you think of Britney's $20,000 sports bra?

 

Image via Path