Madonna's Short-Shorts Are All Sorts of Wrong

Madonna
Wait 'til you see the bottom half!
I'm about 99 percent sure that Madonna's not 100 percent human. She's 53 years old yet has the body of a 13-year-old boy with boobs. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. She has virtually 0 percent body fat and she's freakin' jacked. The woman defies all science and logic.

But! Butt. Just because you're built like a brick house doesn't mean you should go around wearing shorts that literally ride up your ass. So not cute. Come on, Madge, get it together.

For a performance in Miami last week, the pop icon wore an ... interesting ensemble. She rocked some leg warmer-type things on her arms; fingerless, crystal-encrusted Chanel gloves (obvs); fishnet stockings; and high-waisted satin shorts that may as well been a high-waisted g-string. What the h, gurl? You should know better.

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Now, look, if we're being frank, I'm not into the satin shorts riding up women's asses thing ... ever. Call me a prude, but VBC (visible butt cheek) is just not my thing. However, there's something that makes the whole thing a little bit ookier when they're being worn by a woman who could be a member of the AARP.

The world knows you're hot, Madonna. Note taken. Message received. We got the (black, satin) t-shirt. You don't need to always be showing off parts of your envious body. It sort of makes you seem a little, I dunno, hungry for attention. And carbs.

Also, let's just call a spade a spade here. This outfit is kind of ridic. And it kind of looks like every other outfit Madonna's worn recently. Fishnets, black shiny materials, lots of skin. I'd love to see her switch it up a bit. Wear a color, look less harsh. But mainly, I'd like to see her wear some pants.

Do you like Madonna's shorts? Are you getting a pair for the summer?

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Image via Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

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nonmember avatar ugh

eww gross. Someone tell this granny to start covering up. She's not hot and you're spot on with the 13 year old boy comparison.

Net1957 Net1957

Her face no longer matches her body if you  know what I mean. Definitely time to hang it up, Madonna!

nonmember avatar Sophie

At 25, I only WISH I had a body like hers! Everyone needs to stop being such haters and be happy for someone doing what they want.

nonmember avatar Marie

For some reason I thought Madonna had a stylist? When you're on the road, you want lots of pieces that are easy to manage, won't show dirt or stains. (ew! sorry!) Regardless, Madonna? Check out Dancing with the Stars - there's your criteria. Or, maybe hire your brother Christopher back for some real help.

bindiboo bindiboo

i dream of the day when we stop policing each other's bodies and clothing choices.

Maias... MaiasMommy619

She can wear whatever she wants to..but that doesnt mean she should...

Leeroy Jenkins

Pics, or it never happened. ARGG i hate stories that have some other random picture other than what its talking about. IF YOU'RE gonna talk about her SHORT SHORTS, put a F****ing picture of the short shorts. Terrible.

L1558 L1558

It's not her body, it's those ugly shorts. Eww, they wouldn't look good on just about anyone. She could have done better in bikini bottoms. 


I'm not a fan of the hair pouf either. She looked like Amanda Seyfried + 20 years. Why not embrace her age? She looks great for her age and can totally rock a more age-appropriate look which would gain her some respect, instead of negative attention.

jessi... jessicasmom1

she is her own person , and I think when we all can have her money we can do what we want with our wardrobe .. I personally don't care for the choice yet, she does. 

OneAl... OneAllergicMama

Well if you are going to bitch about Madonna's toned body and those shorts, I cannot imagine what you would say about my obese butt hanging out of super short shorts.

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