Madonna's Short-Shorts Are All Sorts of Wrong

Madonna
Wait 'til you see the bottom half!
I'm about 99 percent sure that Madonna's not 100 percent human. She's 53 years old yet has the body of a 13-year-old boy with boobs. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. She has virtually 0 percent body fat and she's freakin' jacked. The woman defies all science and logic.

But! Butt. Just because you're built like a brick house doesn't mean you should go around wearing shorts that literally ride up your ass. So not cute. Come on, Madge, get it together.

For a performance in Miami last week, the pop icon wore an ... interesting ensemble. She rocked some leg warmer-type things on her arms; fingerless, crystal-encrusted Chanel gloves (obvs); fishnet stockings; and high-waisted satin shorts that may as well been a high-waisted g-string. What the h, gurl? You should know better.

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Now, look, if we're being frank, I'm not into the satin shorts riding up women's asses thing ... ever. Call me a prude, but VBC (visible butt cheek) is just not my thing. However, there's something that makes the whole thing a little bit ookier when they're being worn by a woman who could be a member of the AARP.

The world knows you're hot, Madonna. Note taken. Message received. We got the (black, satin) t-shirt. You don't need to always be showing off parts of your envious body. It sort of makes you seem a little, I dunno, hungry for attention. And carbs.

Also, let's just call a spade a spade here. This outfit is kind of ridic. And it kind of looks like every other outfit Madonna's worn recently. Fishnets, black shiny materials, lots of skin. I'd love to see her switch it up a bit. Wear a color, look less harsh. But mainly, I'd like to see her wear some pants.

Do you like Madonna's shorts? Are you getting a pair for the summer?

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Image via Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty

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