Recently I've been thinking that my shoes are kind of boring -- always with the soles and the laces -- so unoriginal. If only there were some footwear out there that made me stand tall in a crowd and stand out among the masses. If only there were a shoe that could aerate the lawn just as effectively as it could kill a hateful passerby or get me backstage at an Iron Maiden concert. If only ... until now.
Haute couture designer Iris van Herpen, who's been called the Alexander McQueen of tech geeks, has teamed up with shoemakers United Nude to fulfill our unrequited fantasy. Introducing ... the fang shoe.
They're part of van Herpen's Spring/Summer 2012 collection. Made of fiberglass and carbon fiber shaped like fangs, these shoes are what we in the industry like to call "famaze," short for "f***ing amazing." No info yet on how much these puppies will go for, or if they'll even be available for purchase, but I'll dream about them nonetheless. Me want fang shoes.
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If we mere fashion peons can't get our hands, or our feet, on these, I'm sure we'll see them on the likes of Lady Gaga, Bjork, or I don't know, Ke$ha. Who knows, maybe Phil Mickelson or Tiger Woods will want a pair -- extra grip on the golf course never hurt anyone.
The only concern I have with these fang shoes is the sound they'll make on hard surfaces. I sort of imagine them sounding like raptor claws clicking on marble -- like in Jurassic Park when the raptors invade the welcome center. Click, click, click. It would be kind of creepy to sound like one of nature's most vicious carnivores, but kind of awesome, as well.
Fang shoes might not be for the girl next door (ghoul next door?) but they are bloody fabulous.
Don't you agree?
Photos via unitednude.com