It has come to my attention that people are making a huge holiday makeup mistake, and for the love of all things pure and good, it needs to stop. I'm talking about non-lip-colored lipstick. It's not only inappropriate, it's just kind of gross. Do not, I repeat, do not wear silver, gold, green, or blue lipstick this season. You may think that you're being festive but, in fact, you're being ridiculous.
It's time you heard the truth. Your odd-colored lips make you look like a Garbage Pail Kid and not a little unlike someone who may or may not have chronic herpes, I mean, "cold sores." No one wants to kiss your green mouth under the mistletoe, trust. They want to take you in the bathroom, sit you down on the toilet, and rub that disgusting tint off your lips with the coarse tissues and Costco hand soap your mom stocks in the guest powder room.
The only time odd-colored lipstick is acceptable is during Zombiecon or Halloween. You have those two events during the year to cake on the silver gloss and proudly wear it around town. But once November 1 rolls around, it's time to pack up the weird shades for another 364 days.
Don't you dare try to force it as "holiday cheer" or any of that bull crap. It won't fly. Your blue lips make you look like you're choking on crudites, your green lips make you look like you're dying of chlorosis, your silver lips make you look like you just ate a dozen dimes, and your gold lips make you look like you just did some very bad things to an Oscar statue.
So ladies (and gentlemen), please, please do not wear bizarre lip colors in the name of Christmas, or Hanukkah, or anything else. It's a definite fashion "don't." OK. Now that we've had this talk, I feel better. Don't you? So go out and get yerself something perty and pink to put on your pout and pucker up! 'Tis the season to party.
If you happen to like silver, gold, green, and/or blue lip color, please explain why.
Photo via Charcoal Sheep Photography/Flickr
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