Courtney StoddenI am entirely jealous of Courtney Stodden, not because she has snagged herself that smart, talented, hunk-of-a-husband Doug Hutchison old enough to be her weird grandpa, but because of her breasts. They are unreal, aren't they? Truthfully, anyone with the inclination and about $10,000 lying around could go out and get themselves a pair that look exactly like them, too ... but not really exactly because did you hear last week's big news? Courtney Stodden's breasts are completely natural, people. She had a breast ultrasound on Dr. Drew last week to prove it. 

Despite one pretty tense moment where the technician performing the exam said she thought she detected a "round" object in there, in the end, she concluded those puppies are real. We can all sleep better at night now.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm so obsessed with Courtney Stodden's breasts that I go around all day studying pictures of them. That would just be sick. Rather, this has become akin to an academic pursuit, something of a scientific impossibility that I just can't wrap my head around, like the theory of relativity or Bigfoot. I just need the truth or life can't go on. That, plus I hate liars.

More from The Stir: Courtney Stodden Without Makeup Is a Painful Sight

If you look at those modeling shots of Stodden around age 12 or 13, you will see that Stodden had a totally different body. That must have been some puberty, because we are talking a major transformation and at least eight or 10 cups sizes in a span of three years. Or else there are some other possible non-surgical explanations for Courtney Stodden's perfectly massive breasts that everyone is missing ...

-- A really amazing push-up bra

-- The ultrasound tech needs glasses

-- The ultrasound tech fibbed

-- Courtney consumed way too much chicken and "conventional" milk as a child

-- An optical illusion

-- The boob clamp

Face it, some mysteries in life are not meant to be explained.

Are you buying that Courtney Stodden's breasts are completely real? Does stuff like that really happen in nature?

 

Image via Splash