kate middletonIf you're an avid reader of The Stir, you know we're all a little Kate Middleton-obsessed 'round here. Me included (big time). But I'm actually going to have to side with my girl Queen Elizabeth when she called the displaying of Duchess Catherine's wedding dress at Buckingham Palace "horrid" and "dreadful."

I mean, the Alexander McQueen dress was/is stunning, and I totally don't think it's horrid or dreadful, but have you seen the display? It's on a headless mannequin in a dark room with a single light shining over it while the veil hovers atop it. Creepy! I wouldn't want to be left alone in that room with that dress. It looks like a floating spirit. And aside from little kid ghosts, really, what's spookier than ghosts in wedding dresses? Shudder.

So, in an effort to ward off the inevitable nightmares that are going to set up shop in my brain tonight, I started thinking about my wedding dress and its whereabouts (my childhood home's closet) and what the crap we ladies are supposed to do with that big, poofy white thing once the big day is over. Here's what I came up with:

Keep it. Close by. For your next wedding. Don't act like there's not going to be one. It's all fun and games 'til you discover the man you married farts in his sleep.

Sell it. If you're woman enough to tolerate your husband's little "habit," put it up on eBay. You're never going to wear it again, the money would be good, and why not help someone out by letting them save on their wedding dress? (Or better yet, donate it!)

Trash it. If you're such a high-falutin' aristocrat who doesn't need the extra money, trash the bitch. Actually, wedding dress trashing has become a thing. Brides, excuse me wives, put their dress on one last go round and have "artsy" photos of themselves taken doing things like swimming in the ocean or rolling around in the mud. I, personally, am against this method.

Turn it into something else. How cute would it be if you, like, had a cat wedding and the bride wore a miniature version of your dress? So cute! Or you can use it as a tablecloth, and tell your guests that they're literally eating off of love. Ooh, or what about a shower curtain. Surely, there's some way to rig it so it protects water from spraying all over your bathroom floor every three days, or however often you shower. You can look at it every day and think, "I dooo ... not want to shower!"

Display it. Like Kate did. No head, floating veil, dim light. Just do it on Halloween and be sure to add plenty of fake blood and guts. Maybe a cobweb or two and one of those spider rings.

What did you do with your wedding dress after you got married?


Image via americanistadechiapas/Flickr