Kate Middleton is starting a lot of trends. From the yellow dress to the matching cowboy hats with Will to her barely-there waist, I want it all. Well, almost. There's one trend Middleton's bringing back that I would like to safely leave in the 1986 fashion time capsule I buried with my class near the elementary school playground. No, she's not resurrecting hypercolor. It's worse. She's wearing pantyhose.
Before you start going, "Oh! But she has to! The Queen makes her!" I get it. I've heard that it's the unofficial dress code. Fine. But she's not forced to ... and if she and Will are supposed to be the modern royals we (they've?) been waiting for, shouldn't pantyhose be left in the '80s where they belong?
Kate's been spotted wearing very sheer, rather shimmery hoses this week during her North American tour and I for one will not remain silent. The Daily Mail reports that hose sales are up in the U.K., and before this terrifying trend catches fire in the U.S., I feel it is my duty to try to convince you that hose are the devil. The devil. Devil.
I will not hesitate in sharing with you that I absolutely, categorically abhor hosiery. Even the word annoys me. Hosiery. Ew. If you tell me they're comfy and you like them, I will call you a liar. And then I will ask that you and your pantyhose kindly leave my presence. Tough love, I call it.
Let me remind you pantyhose are THE WORST: You put them on and three seconds later they rip. Then you curse. Then you search for clear nail polish. Then the waistband starts scratching you. Then they start to fall down. Then, when you hike 'em up, they rip again, this time on the thigh. Then you start sweating. You have to get them off. Then when you take off your shoes, your feet smell like hot garbage. Then you have to wash your hose. Then you have to hang them over the shower rod. Then your mom/sister/roommate/husband is mad that you did that. Then you put them in your top drawer half-dry. Then when you go to put them on again, they're damp, ripped, smelly, and covered in nail polish.
So Kate. Duchess. Whatever. I appreciate your nod to tradition and conservatism, but please, I beg you, don't make this a trend. I (clearly) won't be able to handle it.
Do you like pantyhose? Would you get on board with the trend?
PS: Tights are different than hose. Those are OK. But that's a whole 'nother post.
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