You Are Nothing Without a $350 T-Shirt

Nicole Fabian-Weber
2

hermes t-shirt
I may look $9, but I'm really $345.
This weekend was big for me. Not only did I get my husband to take a leisurely stroll into a local Urban Outfitters, I got him to actually buy three t-shirts. And, no, none of them had a picture of a grizzly with the words, "Just grin and bear it" on them. If you must know, they were three plain t-shirts, two crew necks and one V. And judging by the look of distress on his face when the cashier said, "That'll be $51.13," I'm thinking he's not going to spring for this $345 plain, cotton t-shirt. What a bore!

No matter, though, because if he doesn't drop that kind of cash on a shirt for himself, I'm going to for myself.

What in God's green earth is a t-shirt doing with an almost $400 price tag -- especially when you can get an identical-looking one at H&M? Why, it's carrying the letter "H" on it. As in a little designer brand called "Hermes." Now do you see why it's so expensive?

Life's too short. I say buy an expensive shirt, if you want. I mean, the dude in the Hermes tee is most likely the only guy to have pit stains worth $200 a pop on the basketball court. And that's sexy. Oh ... wait. What's that? You don't shoot hoops in an Hermes shirt. 'Kay, duly noted.

Seriously, though, I'm going to try to convince my lover to purchase this shirt. Or I'm going to purchase my own. Or maybe I'll buy one for each, because, after all, it is "our money," so who cares, right? But I don't think either one of us should wear it. Instead we could do this:

  • Use it to wrap our Faberge Eggs in when we travel. 'Cause we don't want some common cotton B.S. touching them. Why are you looking at me like that? Don't you travel with your Faberge Eggs?
  • Frame it. Obvs. If we buy a fancy t-shirt to wear, it will only be on display, like, once a week. If we frame it, it's something we can enjoy every day. And people will know we're super rich.
  • Return it. Because spending $345 on a t-shirt is ri-god-damn-diculous.

Would you ever buy a $345 shirt?

 

Image via Hermes

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