khloe kardashianPoor Khloé Kardashian. First we find out that mom Kris Jenner tortured her, saying that she's wrecking the "Kardashian brand" by eating cookies. Now, she's come out as a sufferer of cellulite. This girl just can't win the body image war! But she's out to self-improve, and in the process, help the rest of us. YAY.

Most recently, she's partnered with Nivea to be the new face of their "Goodbye Cellulite, Hello Bikini!" Challenge, which is eye-rollingly described as a "total body care system to help reduce the appearance of cellulite with a combination of fitness, nutrition, skin care, and style plans." The program also involves an "interactive bikini adviser" and "product suggestions" ... whatever the hell any of that means! If you ask me, it's just Nivea and Khloé's way of telling us that we're not allowed to sport swimwear until we spend $$$ on products that purport to make our thighs look airbrushed.

See, I'm not a huge fan of cellulite-"fixing" products, because plain and simple, THEY DON'T WORK. Cellulite is a genetic "curse," if you will, but it also affects just about every single woman at some point in her life. So why do we feel like we have to be so ashamed of it? It's not like most of us are plagued with cottage cheese-riddled limbs from head to toe. What's the obsession, ladies? And if a bit of cellulite speckling your thighs is your biggest beauty concern, I say you've got it pretty good.

I'm sure Khloé has the best intentions with this campaign (just as she did with her Quick Trim weight-loss pills, sigh). She even plans to document her progress on her Facebook page. She recently told People:

I love to be an advocate for anything that helps empower women and give confidence to them, especially when I can relate to something as sensitive as cellulite.

But agh! This is a total trap, and we'd be fools to fall into it. A cream -- even along with some kind of cream manufacturer-designed fitness plan -- will not give you confidence if your confidence hinges on your stupid cellulite. What will: Owning the fact that you don't have the most toned-looking, Gisele Bundchen-y legs and never will, and that's OKAY.

See, I inherited my amazing now 91-year-old grandmother's figure, which includes child-bearing hips, substantial thighs and a propensity for cellulite. As a kid, a guy I had a crush on called me "thunder thighs," and I used to do everything I could to cover them up. But no matter how many squats I did or creams I slathered on, I've never not had these legs -- even at my lowest weight and most fit -- so now, I figure, who the hell cares? These are just my legs for life, and I own the bodacious Boticelli babe look on the beach. That's just who I am, and I don't need to waste energy and time attempting to "diminish the appearance of" cellulite to feel good about myself.

I wish Khloé Kardashian didn't either.

Does cellulite bother you? Do you think Nivea's "total body plan" could work?

 

Image via Ron Asadorian/Splash News