8 Swimsuits That Don't Look Good on Anyone

EtsIf you're looking for a bathing suit right now, you're going to have a lot of options.

Probably too many options.

Because while there are plenty of suits, tanks, and two-pieces that will flatter your figure, there are also plenty that won't.

Take this hand-crocheted bikini from Etsy, for example.

Ordinarily, I love handmade Etsy items, but I'd recommend that you steer clear of the homemade bathing suit.

This thing is already lumpy and misshapen. Imagine what would happen if you got it wet ...

Want to see more swimsuits that EVERYONE should avoid?

Read on!


Urban OutfittersThe high-waisted bikini wasn't very flattering on Annette Funicello in the '60s (the only reason SHE wore it was that Disney asked her to keep her navel covered) and it's certainly not flattering now. On anyone. Particularly in olive green. Really, if you feel the need to cover this much of your torso, just go ahead and opt for a one-piece.


DillardsYou'd think this would go without saying, but I highly recommend that you avoid buying any swimsuit with a print that looks like a gigantic nipple over your ... nipple. Yes, you will attract attention, but for all the wrong reasons.


ZapposThe idea of bikini boyshorts like these Nike Bikini Bottoms (Zappos, $32 on sale) isn't a bad one. They do provide a little more coverage than the average bikini bottoms. There's only one problem: CAMEL TOE.

'nuff said.


Agent ProvocateurHere's my philosophy when it comes to swimwear: "If it looks like lingerie, stay the hell away." Not that you'd have any choice with this particular bathingsuitini: It's going for $490 at Agent Provacateur.


ASOSI've been seeing this style of swimsuit everywhere lately, which is very unfortunate because it looks like a 1980s WWF wrestler jumpsuit. HIDEOUS. And unless you have zero fat on your body like this model, you will end up with muffin ... sides. AVOID.

My WardrobeNeutrals are in this season, but I think it's best to avoid the nude bathing suit (this one's from My Wardrobe and costs $245.85), unless you just want everyone to think that you're, you know, NUDE.


Seashell BikiniFinally, the seashell bikini. I continue to see these in beach gift shops and I can't say enough bad things about them. These might be good for the bedroom, but they're definitely not good for the beach!

Which swimsuit is your favorite?


Images (top to bottom): Etsy, Urban Outfitters, Dillards, Zappos, Agent Provacateur ASOS, My Wardrobe, Party Oasis

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