7 Traits of a Tacky Bridesmaid Dress

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tacky bridesmaid dressesBeing a bridesmaid is a huge honor, as witnessed by the epic toast one-upmanship between Kristin Wiig and Rose Byrne as seen in the genius, Bridesmaids. It also requires a heck of a lot of work. Since you (presumably) love the lady who has bestowed this honor upon you, you'll definitely line up for cheesy bachelorette parties, endless conversations about flowers, and the dress. Oh, the dress.

Let's face it, bridesmaid dresses just suck. Anytime you're expected to find a dress that works for two to five different body types, it's a recipe for disaster. Pippa aside, I have never seen a stellar bridesmaid dress that existed outside of the, "Ladies, buy a black dress that flatters you and I'll see you on the aisle" type of wedding.

But what makes a bridesmaid dress so hideous? I don't know how to qualify it, but like porn, I just know it when I see it. Here are some dresses that you'll know are totally tacky, as soon as you see them.

 

 

1) "Theme" Wedding Attire

Just because you think the cowgirl look meets Shirley Temple attire is "cute," doesn't mean your bridesmaids should be forced to prove how un-cute it is in reality. (By the way, is that Katherine Heigl? WEIRD. )

tacky bridesmaid dresses2) Unflattering For All

This "mermaid in a tube sock" look fills racks of bridesmaid dresses. Why? This is a model, who makes her living because of physical attractiveness, and she looks like crap. If anyone thinks they'll look better than the lady in the picture, they're high.

tacky bridesmaid dresses3) Clashing Colors

Sure it's imaginative to pair hot pink and orange, but it's freaking ugly. Yes, even if you call it "couture." (Which you totally shouldn't.)

tacky bridesmaid dresses4) Super Trendy

A) The bubble skirt was ugly in 1989, B) It never really came back in style in the late 2000s. PASS.

tacky bridesmaid dresses5) God Awful Color

No one looks good in Kelly green. Nope, not even redheads.

tacky bridesmaid dresses6) Kids + Grown Women

Always a bad idea, the pre-tween girls will wonder where their boobies are, and the grown women will know how much cuter the little ones look.

tacky bridesmaid dresses7) Too Much Dress

There's a sash! There's a shawl! There's a buttload of material pooling around your feet! That's too much dress, sister.

What did your worst bridesmaid dress look like?

 

Images (top to bottom): PeriDress, PeriDress, Alfred Angelo, David's Bridal, David's Bridal, Bill Evkoff

royal wedding, wedding

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kaylaird kaylaird

I was a bridesmaid in what ended up looking like a bad 80's disco themed wedding.


Shiny, cheap polyester knee length dress in an AWFUL teal/jade color that was pleated, with silver sequin (and they HAD to be shiny!) shoes and this huge honking fugly white fake flower on the side of my head. It was SO SO SO bad. It was made even worse because the bride was a complete bridezilla who expected us to make all her decorations the night before the wedding, in a hotel room I had paid for, for her bachelorette party I also paid for.


When my other friend who had been hired to do everyone's hair got back in our home state after driving 7 hours in that awful monstrosity on no sleep for 36 hours, I pulled over at a gas station, ripped that stupid flower out of my hair, tore it up and threw it in the trash, threw the awful shoes in the trash, and pulled that stupid dress over my head in front of the highway and lit it on fire to watch it burn. (I'd put on pants and a tank top underneath it in the car. I wasn't naked, lol!)


AWFUL!! >.<

poshkat poshkat

im about to be a bride's maid at my friends wedding in november. she is thankfully not a psycho bridezilla and will let us pick our own dresses as long as we all agree on a color together.

jagam... jagamama0710

I haven't been a bridesmaid yet but my bridesmaids at my wedding had beautiful dresses, imo. They weren't tacky. All 3 of them are completely different body types. Tall and skinny, short and curvy, and average height and curvy. I told them the color I wanted (burgundy wine color) and they picked the style that fit them best in that color. All 3 of them honestly looked gorgeous. Bridesmaids dresses aren't ALWAYS fugly. lol 

nonmember avatar Pel

That is Heigl..from the movie 27 Dresses in one of the hideous bridesmaids outfits.

nonmember avatar EBliss44

The easiest way to improve your chances is to not pick a "bridesmaid" dress. Go to department stores and pick an actual dress instead of a boring, unflattering option silk/satin number.

Cheryl McLaughlin

I wore almost the exact same dress as photo #4 to my 8th grade formal. That was in 1994. I got it at consignment... guess it was leftover from 1989! LOL


I'm a bridesmaid this upcoming Saturday. Bride let us pick our own style dresses (she picked color & length). I just made sure to pick something flattering for me.

melis... melissabilliot

I picked the color of the dress...they picked the style...and my girls looked good...lol

Paras... ParasAngel71010

What I did for my wedding is give a general theme of the wedding, and let the girls pick out their dresses that fit the theme. I had a denim and lace western themed wedding, and told the girls the skirt needed to be jean, it didn't matter on the color, and a nice shirt. They all showed me what they were wearing about 2 weeks before the wedding so I knew, and we could make any plans. I wanted them to enjoy the wedding, not hate the dress.

nonmember avatar Brianna

A lot of the dresses you picked are really cute. Where's your fashion sense? And I'm in a wedding in August but it was my choice that became the bridesmaid dress. It fits all our body types (and we do have them all) and it perfectly matches the wedding dress. I think maybe you have a bitterness about being a bridesmaid or something.

Emerald Sabrina Barrett

I like the magenta/orange dress and the short red dress.  The green dress would be nice if it were at least 3-4 shades darker.


Anyway, do your bridesmaids a favor and tell them to pick out any nice dress, or at most specify color/length.  Chances are, your bridesmaids won't all have the same figure.  What would look good on someone with an A cup might not look right on someone with a G cup, and something that flatters a size 4 woman probably won't look as flattering on a size 20 woman.

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