7 Traits of a Tacky Bridesmaid Dress

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tacky bridesmaid dressesBeing a bridesmaid is a huge honor, as witnessed by the epic toast one-upmanship between Kristin Wiig and Rose Byrne as seen in the genius, Bridesmaids. It also requires a heck of a lot of work. Since you (presumably) love the lady who has bestowed this honor upon you, you'll definitely line up for cheesy bachelorette parties, endless conversations about flowers, and the dress. Oh, the dress.

Let's face it, bridesmaid dresses just suck. Anytime you're expected to find a dress that works for two to five different body types, it's a recipe for disaster. Pippa aside, I have never seen a stellar bridesmaid dress that existed outside of the, "Ladies, buy a black dress that flatters you and I'll see you on the aisle" type of wedding.

But what makes a bridesmaid dress so hideous? I don't know how to qualify it, but like porn, I just know it when I see it. Here are some dresses that you'll know are totally tacky, as soon as you see them.

 

 

1) "Theme" Wedding Attire

Just because you think the cowgirl look meets Shirley Temple attire is "cute," doesn't mean your bridesmaids should be forced to prove how un-cute it is in reality. (By the way, is that Katherine Heigl? WEIRD. )

tacky bridesmaid dresses2) Unflattering For All

This "mermaid in a tube sock" look fills racks of bridesmaid dresses. Why? This is a model, who makes her living because of physical attractiveness, and she looks like crap. If anyone thinks they'll look better than the lady in the picture, they're high.

tacky bridesmaid dresses3) Clashing Colors

Sure it's imaginative to pair hot pink and orange, but it's freaking ugly. Yes, even if you call it "couture." (Which you totally shouldn't.)

tacky bridesmaid dresses4) Super Trendy

A) The bubble skirt was ugly in 1989, B) It never really came back in style in the late 2000s. PASS.

tacky bridesmaid dresses5) God Awful Color

No one looks good in Kelly green. Nope, not even redheads.

tacky bridesmaid dresses6) Kids + Grown Women

Always a bad idea, the pre-tween girls will wonder where their boobies are, and the grown women will know how much cuter the little ones look.

tacky bridesmaid dresses7) Too Much Dress

There's a sash! There's a shawl! There's a buttload of material pooling around your feet! That's too much dress, sister.

What did your worst bridesmaid dress look like?

 

Images (top to bottom): PeriDress, PeriDress, Alfred Angelo, David's Bridal, David's Bridal, Bill Evkoff

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