Patrick Dempsey Swears by This Transvestite Beauty Secret

patrick dempseyI think I just broke a world record, guys. I'm going to call Guinness because I just became unattracted to Patrick Dempsey faster than anyone's become unattracted to another human being in the history of the universe. Want to know why? Because ... stop reading if you want to still like him ... dude wears false eyelashes! Borrowed from his wife! To places like his son's Little League game!

First of all, I've never even worn false eyelashes. I could never be into a man who's tried beauty treatments I haven't. Second of all, dudes and grooming? Eh, not so much. I don't like my husband to stink, but I do like me a real man.


And I know I'm not alone. Most of my girlfriends are either married to or dating "real men." And by "real men," I don't mean guys who are wrangling cattle in spurs and a stetson and spending the night in a tent with Jake Gyllenhaal (wait ... you know what I mean), I mean they may have to be reminded now and again to shower. And they don't wear cologne. Or like to shop. Or wear false eyelashes.

It's one of the fundamental differences between women and (most) men. Girls are pretty, and soft, and yummy smelling. Guys are messy, and scruffy, with the faintest hint of last night's beer on them. These are the kind of men we want around. These are the kind of men who will protect us, carry stuff for us, kill cockroaches for us. Call me old-fashioned, but to me, that's sex-ay.

When I see a guy with neatly gelled hair, perfectly pressed clothes, or gulp, waxing, the only thing I can think is, "He could be a nice friend." Never -- ever -- have I wondered what he'd be like as a make-out partner. Guys really shouldn't be putting all that much time into their appearance. Not only does it make it look like they can't kill spiders, it makes them look so self-involved. That's what we ladies are here for! We spend long periods of time on our hair, clothes, and vajazzling. We don't want to date ourselves.

So, Dempsey, you're out. Soooo over you. And just so you know, I was never into you because of Grey's Anatomy, I liked you from Loverboy. Way to lose an original fan, buddy.  Although if I knew you were into weird beauty treatments then, I probably never would have liked you.

What do you think of Patrick Dempsey wearing false eyelashes? And what kind of dude do you like?


Image via Splash News

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