Will New American Apparel Jeans Be Crotchless?

Lindsay Mannering
5

dov charneyAmerican Apparel announced this week that they are launching a denim collection that will hit stores ASAP ... granted there will still be American Apparel stores. What is with this dirt bag of a company. The only thing they should be launching is a missile at Dov Charney's crotch. News flash! The company is going under. No one wants anything from American Apparel, let alone crappy denim that will cost $80.

Sorry. I hate American Apparel. It kills me every time I hear about the sexual harassment employees suffered, I hate hearing Dov Charney sound bites, and I hate Hate HATE the oversexed ads.

So when this news broke that I now have something else to hate out of the American Apparel Empire of Pervertness, I was, naturally, filled with hate.

In a press release to the public, Charney explained:

Jeans are an iconic, essential part of the modern wardrobe, just like the t-shirt. No one does basics like American Apparel. We've mastered the basic t-shirt, now we’re getting excited about jeans.

You also getting excited about Chapter 11, the $86 million loss you had last year, and the impending law suits? That's all very, very exciting stuff, I'd say. But jeans apparently trump any monetary or legal hubbub.

American Apparel is being too modest in their press release. Not only have they mastered the basic t-shirt, they've also mastered how to make me gag. Not an easy feat, as I have a very sophisticated gag reflex and won't even feel a tickle in my throat when a spring breaker vomits in my subway car, when I see a Great Dane taking a numero dos on my sidewalk, or when I accidentally eat something with capers in the mix. Those things are gross! But not as gross as Charney's company. They take the gag cake.

So, thanks but no thanks. No pair of jeans is going to save this company no matter if they're crotchless (which I half expect) or advertised by unwilling pre-teens with their legs spread. And you know what? Thank god. I can't wait to see American Apparel go down in flames, jeans and all.

Even if the AA jeans were the best thing you've ever tried on, would you buy them?


Photo via dovcharney/Flickr

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