Ah, the beach. The surf, the sand, the women in barely-there bikinis terrifying your children and embarrassing your husbands. Just another day in Naples, Florida where Joceline Fernandez, 22, simply couldn't keep it together -- least of which were her bikini strings. Hello!
Joceline started off the day like any good Floridian might, with a few cocktails and an inflated ego. But she put down her margarita long enough to slip into her cutest baby-blue g-string bikini and head to the beach.
On her way to the shore, she spotted an officer and in what was either an extreme moment of clarity or extreme moment of drunkenness, Joceline asked the officer if she looked OK. Turns out, the cop was part of the underground Fashion Police and was unhappy with her attire for more than one reason.
First of all, is anyone else reading her name like Joyce-Line? I'm sure it's supposed to sound like Jocelyn, but I can't help reading it like Joyce-Line and laughing. OK. Back to the story.
Joyce-Line, er, Joceline asked the cop if her g-string was appropriate attire for the family beach she was headed to. The cop, who may or may not have been Joan Rivers, said she'd be better off changing into something a teence more conservative. And you know what, Joceline totally agreed. She told the officer that she'd change into another, full-bottomed bathing suit.
But something happened between Joceline saying she was going to change, and Joceline actually going to change. She showed up at the beach in her little g-string and proceeded to drop her bathing suit equivalent of dental floss down to her knees, jumped on a man's back, and exposed her bare breasts. Essentially she was naked and riding a man like a bull. Joyce-Line! How could you.
She was arrested for indecent exposure and disturbing the peace. The subtext of the arrest was her crime against fashion. G-strings are only appropriate in three locations: the strip club, the bedroom, and gay conga lines in Rio de Janeiro. Another arrestable crime? Her hair. Run a comb through it already, and maybe get some layers. It's too triangular.
I'm glad to hear there are cops out there not only looking out for the innocence of beach-going children, but who also know a thing or two about style. Joceline will have a little time to think about her crime against society, and crime against fashion. Maybe when she gets home, she'll throw out all her "spring break" wear and start acting like a woman. Eh, Joyce-Line? Scrunchies' in your court.
What's the worst crime against fashion you've seen or committed?
Photo via Lee County Sheriff via AOL