'America's Next Top Model' Gets Dirty in Sexy Mud Shoot

Emily Abbate

America's Next Top ModelOn last night's episode of America's Next Top Model, we learned a few lessons. Most of them (shockingly) have to deal with how we look.

Lesson No. 1: In order to win this season of ANTM, you have to be white. You also must be a blonde or a brunette.

Lesson No. 2: Every model, according to Tyra Banks, has an archetype. You can be a bombshell, a girl next door, or couture. You're rarely more than one. And if you are, then you're generally doing something wrong.

Lesson No. 3: Blondes look better covered in mud than brunettes. Actually, brunettes just look dirty.

Nevertheless, last night was all about getting down and dirty. But there's a huge difference between modeling dirty and playing dirty. Playing dirty will leave you crying and packing your bags. Because, really, what Covergirl is actually a mean girl? None.

Tyra came to the house during last night's episode to talk to the girls about their archetype. And after she defined each of the models by their signature look, she explained how important it was to have a distinctive signature too. Each of the girls practiced their signature on paper. At this point, I feel like I'm back in school. Important to note that signatures with a heart are lame. Got it.

She then told the models how important it is to interact well with fans. Her most critical piece of advice: NEVER agree to take a fan's phone and talk to a friend/relative/colleague/boss. UGH, so time consuming. So not OK. So what's the first thing we see the girls do when presented with a fan encounter challenge? Helping a girl set up her voicemail! Clearly these girls are excellent students!

Anyway, the models are told that some of their "fans" are going to come meet them and ask for a few autographs. The challenge makes Alexandria, this season's "bully," a little more likable, and Monique absolutely dreadful. Little-miss-thang Monique stands at the meet-and-greet as if she would rather be doing her grandmother's laundry. You would think that someone who wants to be a model would put in a little more effort, no? And when she's asked for a quick smoocheroo from "fan" James, she directs his geeky persona in a mean-girl sneak attack toward Alexandria, saying that she'd do it. 

Surprisingly, Alexandria handles the whole scenario pretty well. Who wouldn't be a little peeved after being put in that awkward situation? After telling him she has a boyfriend who is an ultimate fighter (eeek!), she agrees to give him a peck on the cheek, and then glares in Monique's direction. Monique smirks. Jeez woman, smile, will ya? This is also the bi-yotch who read Alexandria's diary last week. Doesn't she know that mean girls don't finish at all finish last?

The girls are then brought to a photoshoot where they are divided up into groups of four: The brunettes vs. the blondes. And after being covered in mud, the girls give a pretty stand-up performance that makes me think for the first time -- we have a true competition here. In judging, Brittani takes the cake again with best picture. And, surprise surprise, it's Monique and Mikaela (both brunettes) in the bottom two, and mean girl Monique is sent home for being sub-par. 

The truth: I'm going to miss Monique's air-headed comments and entertaining commentary. As long as I have Jaclyn's babyface, I'll be alright. However, I just can't help but wonder: When everyone around you has an inner-mean girl, you can't stay a sweet Southern bell for long ... can you?

Do you think the judges made the right decision by sending Monique home? Who is your favorite this season?

Image via TheCW

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