Each new season brings trends that will look fabulous on your bad self, as well as trends you'd best avoid, girlfriend.
I spend the bulk of my time telling you what to wear to look good. Today, I'm going to tell you what NOT to wear.
These are my picks for the top trends to avoid this spring ...
... and we'll start things off with the jumpsuit.
Yes, ladies, this trend JUST WON'T DIE. It's back and it's uglier than ever.
And if you don't think this floral monstrosity (DKNY, $325) is so bad, imagine what you'd have to do in order to go to the bathroom while wearing one.
Let's move on.
Sure it looked hot on Clements Ribiero's spring runway, but you're going to look more like a walking street sign if you try to rock the neon look. Just sayin'.
This season, designers thought they could slap a $1,040 price-tag on a macrame jacket like this one and call it high fashion -- but ladies, just because it says Piazza Sempione doesn't make it right. Macrame and crochet looks are supposedly hot this year, but I'd advise you to leave this trend to your grandma.
4. Blousey shorts.
If they don't look good on a 5'11", 110-pound model, you can bet they won't look good on you. (Plus, who wants to pay $140 for shorts?!) Blousey shorts are all the rage this season, but on most women, they just look like ill-fitting diapers. Stick with more tailored shorts, and be sure they're long enough to cover your cellulite.
5. Prada Creepers.
These shoes may be the hardest-to-get of the season. Despite their $795 price-tag (and despite their fugliness), there's a sizable waiting list worldwide of trendistas eager to get their hands on them. Don't join that list, m'kay? Trust me on this one.
6. Crop tops.
It didn't look good in the '80s and it doesn't look good today, particularly if you've a) been pregnant and b) don't spend two hours a day in the gym toning your abs. Please, for the sake of all of us. Skip this trend.
7. Violet makeup.
Marie Claire named violet makeup one of spring's top three beauty trends. Ladies. Please don't run out and pick yourself up some purple eyeshadow. It didn't look good on Day-to-Night Barbie and it won't look good on you.
8. Mismatched bold prints.
This was Gwen Stefani's outfit of choice at her own spring runway show for L.A.M.B. Oh. My. Gag. I'm waaaay over the mismatched prints trend, and this season, the prints are bolder (i.e., tackier) than ever. AVOID.
9. Marcia Brady Hair.
I loved Derek Lam's '70s-inspired spring runway, and everyone in Hollywood has taken to the center part this season ... but let's leave the stick-straight Marcia Brady look to, well, Marcia Brady. Feel free to try the center part, but add some volume and a few gentle waves to your look to keep it Modern Day, as opposed to Susan Dey.
Designers are trying once again to make the turban the next hot hat. Even Urban Outfitters has this $29 jersey number up for sale. Unfortunately, it's just not a flattering look for most women. Unless you're channeling Norma Desmond, avoid this trend.
What do you think of these "hot" spring trends?