This is disgusting. I don't think it's funny, I don't think it's cute, and I don't think it's impressive. Mrs. Jazz Sinkfield of Atlanta, on the other hand, has a different opinion. She'd argue with me tooth and nail over this. Er, nail and nail. Er, I'm going to barf now.
Jazz's nails are about 20 inches long; the longest is 24 inches. You see, Jazz thinks she's been given a divine gift to grow her fingernails. Did I say divine gift? I meant, divine gift and talent. Because, she says, it's not something everyone can do. Why, because we're not crazy enough? You got that right.
Jazz has been growing her nails for 22 years. In the time that I was born, went to high school, then graduated college, Jazz has been sitting there, honing her gift for growing long, curly, bedazzled fingernails.
And she thinks you're jealous.
The women will turn their nose up to me ... Some people are jealous. I feel as if you can be entitled to your opinions but don't be mean about it.
Jazz believes that women want nails like hers "because it's a fashion statement now."
Speaking of statements, Jazz's monthly bill for spending 5 hours getting her nails polished and beautified is $250. That sounds ridiculously cheap to me. That salon should charge her $1,000 -- $100 a nail.
Jazz hopes that Oprah and other celebrities will want to meet her to hear her story. Seeing as this is Oprah's last season, Jazz might have difficulty getting booked. Because, you know, that's the only reason she wouldn't be on the show.
There are so many questions. The one that is burning in my mind is why. Why. WHY. If you're going to do something like this, at least shave them into sharp blades so that you can be Jazz Scissorhands. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? It would also bring a whole new meaning to "jazz hands," that's for sure. Duck!
On a scale of 1 to 10 fingers, how disgusting is this?
Photo via 11alive.com