Do you like the Kardashians? Do you love them? Well, I do and I don’t care who knows it. Their show is so watchable I can’t resist. They’re the big-booty, wine-drinking, sex-talking family I never had.
There’s absolutely no tension in any episode, and if for some odd reason a conflict rises, it’s solved by the end of the hour. It’s like a little gift of pretty faces in a Hollywood box tied up with a hot-pink bow and delivered to me every Sunday night on E!
So when the Kardashians tell me they’re going to be selling something, I say, how much? When the sisters tell me to buy it at Dash, I say, how many? When I hear that they’re going to have their own Silly Bandz packet, I say, that is freaking amazing and I can’t wait to get them.
Then I saw what the Bandz were going to look like. WTF.
A diamond ring? A stiletto? Silhouettes of the sisters? A purse? Snooze! Boring. Let’s get real, ladies.
Fine, they can keep the banal Bandz for the younger fans, but I want something a little more, hmm, realistic. Bandz that really represent what I love about the Kardashians.
So let me shout out some ideas for my dream Kardashian Silly Bandz pack. For starters, how about a Botox needle. Am I right? We all saw Kim go through that painful process on the show, so why not make a talisman to her struggle for beauty?
And what about a vibrator? I don’t know how many times that’s been brought up on the show. Or a spray tan booth. That should be simple enough—a rectangle with a door should suffice.
Some false-eyelashes would be a nice touch, and maybe some hair-extensions. Or how about a glass of wine? Pinot Grigio seems to be the ... ninth? ... member of the family.
And let’s get Ryan Seacrest his own band for crying out loud. Maybe a silhouette of a short man holding a mic. That guy has done a lot for the K-clan, what with producing and co-creating the show and talking about them incessantly on E! News every. single. night.
And last but not least, I want a band that looks like a straight-up booty. Self-explanatory. Bam.
What would you want in your Kardashian Silly Bandz pack?
Image via Scot Scoop/Flickr