New Astrological Signs Mean Your Tattoo Is Wrong

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scorpio tattooOh the horoscope tattoo, perhaps as popular as the Tasmanian devil, but for people who aren't as lame as to get an actual Tasmanian devil tattoo. (Sorry to offend you people.) But new information might make the horoscope tattoo even more lame. Just like the girl who got the Chinese symbol for "freedom" tattooed on her when it really means "free of charge," your zodiac tattoo is more than likely wrong.

You see, the Babylonians decided on astrological signs based on what star the sun was in on your birth day. But they weren't forward thinkers and didn't take into account the earth's shift, throwing off the sun and the stars and adding in a new zodiac sign called Ophiuchus that, let's face it, no one wants to be because it sounds like a cough. Though the symbol is a man holding a snake, so that's kind of cool.

My problem is that I have a Scorpio tattoo and now I'm a Libra.

My Scorpio tattoo depicts the sign's two ruling planets Mars and Pluto. (With some other arty stuff around it.) Of course, Pluto was declared not a planet a few years ago, so that messed me up a bit. And now with the new zodiac sign dates, I am no longer an emotional and secretive beast who is waiting to sting you if you wrong me, but a fair, balanced, and very boring lady Libra with Venus as my ruling planet. Venus is the opposite of Mars. I am seriously screwed and cannot handle this news.

My husband's a Libra. Well, he was, but now he's a Virgo, which is lame because Virgos aren't all that exciting from what I've experienced. The Scorpio me might have not loved the Virgo him. But then again, I'm a Libra now. I thought Virgos were boring, but now those Virgos are Leos and the Libras are Virgos and I love the old Libras. Still, that doesn't make me want to be a Libra now. It's only slightly less uncool than being a Virgo. I'm so confused! And obviously I'm working on fixing my identity crisis. And possibly my tattoo.

A few people I know have stayed the same. Here's the new configuration.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Pisces: March 11– April 18
Aries: April 18 – May 13
Taurus: May 13 – June 21
Gemini: June 21 – July 20
Cancer: July 20 – Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10 – Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16 – Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30 – Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23 – Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29 – Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17 – Jan. 20

Do I change my tattoo? I won't. I can't. I'M A SCORPIO no matter what anyone says. I'm leaving it as a homage to a simpler Babylonian time when Pluto had respect. Now commence your comments about how the Tasmanian devil would have been a better tattoo choice.

Do you have a horoscope tattoo that is now wrong?


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