Imagine for a moment that millions of people aren't out of work and that there aren't children who will wake up to no presents because their parents can't afford them. OK, are we together on this? Now imagine you have a boyfriend who makes enough to buy you $20,000 worth of things.
What would you ask for? Me? I'd ask for an African safari, a trip to Peru/Bolivia, and world peace (which only costs $10,000, natch), but not this woman. This woman's $20,000 wish list reads like an episode of Sex and the City, minus any of the laughs and friendships that made the show tolerable.
In a time where so many are in need, how does this woman possibly justify coveting more than one $2,000 bag? We were lucky enough to see this list courtesy of Velvet in Dupont, a Washington, DC-based blogger whose brother found this list on a train from Connecticut to NYC.
Her poor boyfriend, whose notes are in the margin, is probably catching hell for not delivering her promised Louboutins, but we can all laugh and laugh at her expense (no pun intended).
Look, no one is above coveting material items. I will admit that a Cartier tank watch is the first thing I'm buying when I sell my yet-unfinished novel, but let's be realistic. She could get one of these things and donate the rest to charity like the Secret Santa in Missouri who stuffed a Salvation Army kettle full of five $20,000 cashier checks.
You don't have to starve to death to be a decent human being, but I am pretty repulsed by a woman who would rather spend that $20,000 feeding her likely overweening materialism. But I digress. We did the extra leg work to assist her harried boyfriend and sure hope he sees it before it's too late! I get the feeling that an empty Christmas tree this year would be the end of that relationship for good.
So, let's take a look at the $20,000 worth of bling this lady covets:
The list starts out simple enough, right? $80 headphones are not too bad, a totally reasonable gift ... and yet. And yet ... just you wait.
Now, she doesn't specify what bike and her sap of a man doesn't have any notes, so we are left to speculate. What might a gold digging little hussie want under her tree? I can tell you it ain't a pink huffy with streamers. I am guessing she would want this nice Cannondale. Not because she knows a damn thing about cycling, but because it's top of the line. The kind of bike a woman who spends $1,000 on a purse might want.
Because a regular city guide would be way too pedestrian for her, she prefers the designer kinds. She may travel, but I'm going to guess she doesn't take in much more than the designer shopping.
Chanel makeup: $50 a piece
Here she specifies she doesn't want something she already has ... quite the mystery! Does the guy need to dig through her makeup bag? Figure out what is "in"? Ask her friends? My god. This guy is either the best catch in the world or is having better sex than Angelina Jolie.
Spa services: $100+
I am thinking she wouldn't be content with a single pedi and since she wants it from Bliss, I would put the cost closer to $1K, but you know ... trying to be fair here.
Keratase hair products: $34 for one bottle of shampoo
I am all for salon-grade hair products, but $34 for a bottle of shampoo? When people are starving? I kind of want to vomit up the eggs I was lucky enough to be able to afford to eat this morning.
Le Creuset piece: $299
Why do I find it highly unlikely that this lady cooks? At any rate, she will have some very pretty cookware and nothing to put in it ...
Penguin classics: $299
You will note the only thing she cheaps out on or suggests he find a good price on is this book collection ... hmmm, I wonder why. I suspect these books are a bit like the pot above. Pretty to fill her house, not so much to fill that empty space above her neck.
I wish I could include a photo of these, but copyright at Louboutin expressly forbids it. So check out the link!
Goyard St. Louis purse: $1,065
Because nothing says I love you like a $1,000 purse. So what do five say?? All I know is this woman better give some fantastic blow jobs to this guy.
Double the price of the previous handbag and this is what you get! So lovely and practical, it makes all the women who thought Coach was fancy look homeless.
Louis Vuitton Speedy: $665
This one is practically affordable. This is probably the one she carries when she hangs out with her friends who married investment bankers who lost their jobs at Lehman way back when. She is so magnanimous that way.
Mulberry oversize Alexa bag: $1,250
Another day, another handbag. Yawn ...
Cartier tank watch: $2,000
It's simple and lovely. It's a dream watch for many. For her it's one of the cheaper items on her list!
Cartier love bracelet: $4,700
This one is the ultimate gift for lovers according to Cartier, and since I'm fairly certain these two are destined more toward expensive, obnoxious, messy divorce, this gift might be better suited for his mistress.
Tiffany necklace: $2,400
Not much to say about this except don't buy a knock-off. It's the blue box or nothing!
Long pearl necklace: $1,150
It doesn't have to have this clasp! Wow. Way to give a guy a break. She is really the kind of girl you bring home to mom -- provided your mom is also a high class escort with caviar taste.
Big pearl earrings: $2,850
Go big or go home, these earrings cry!
Smythson passport cover: $150
The lady has good taste. Why cover your passport with anything but the best?
Hermes Avalon blanket: $1,125
I assume she doesn't have a dog or a cat because at my house, this blanket would be covered in animal hair faster than you can say "insane expectations."
What do you think of this list? Do you think she really expected it all?
Image via Flickr/Jimmiehomeschoolmom