Forget Male Spanx: These Are the Real 'Male Enhancers'

Sasha Brown-Worsham
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We all know ladies are insecure and need a million different contraptions to make them less so. But how many of us realize that men are often equally insecure?

How do I know?

This product says it all -- the Marks & Spencer Bodymax "support underwear." The "bum lift" underpants claim to do exactly what their name suggests, using seam-free tailoring to raise the wearer’s posterior by a fifth.

It's even worse than man Spanx. Oh I know, it's mean to laugh. After all, women have been lifting and separating their bums for years. But it doesn't stop there.

There is also a "frontal enhancement" pant, which purports to give the wearer what the company describes as a "38 percent visual enhancement in size." And although that makes me chortle, it isn't so different from a padded bra.

And most of us would never mock a woman for rocking a miracle bra, right? Right?

I feel as though my hands are tied. I so want to mock, but to do so might also seem hypocritical and so I will call upon my old friend (the double standard) and mock away.

I'm not sure where men got the idea that women care about the size of their "package." Buns? Maybe. But I can almost guarantee that unless you are with Samantha Jones on Sex and the City, no one cares about your bulge.

It makes me sad for men that they think this would really hold all that much interest. We women are so much less shallow than you think. The only thing we really care about is the size of your wallet.

Yes, it's true. You're better off focusing that energy on making that wallet fat and juicy, bucko. That is a lot sexier. Trust me.

Work hard, be ambitious and sexy, and I guarantee you won't need package enhancing undies, especially at $45 a pop. Is that any way to fatten the wallet?

Would you buy your man Bodymax underwear?


Image via Marks & Spencer

 

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