My Butt in Pictures: The Things We Do for Jeans That Fit

Cynthia Dermody
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woman posing in jeansIt's not everyone who isn't a supermodel or a naked roller coaster rider who's stupid brave enough to post a picture of her butt in a blog, but I just did. I'm sure I will regret it someday, but it was the only way to find out if Old Navy's New Booty Reader really works. This online tool analyzes an uploaded picture of your derriere, and then selects the jeans that best fit your shape and your life.

My biggest problem with jeans is that my waist is disproportionately small compared to my hips and thighs. So jeans that fit properly in the waist are too tight in the crotch and legs. Denims that fit comfortably over my legs mean the waist is gaping big, and I have to cinch it with a belt. Not a good look.

Did the Booty Reader work for me and my butt? Here's my show and tell ...

First, I must say I found the fortune teller theme a little annoying. Every time you click a "continue" button, virtual "smoke" appears before slowly taking you to the next screen. I would have preferred a faster, more straightforward, gimmick-free app, myself.

I did like the option to "borrow a body" from one of several different butt styles if you're too skittish to upload your own bottom, though the site assures your "booty shots will not be shared." I was leaning toward this option, but the site warns that "one who abandons their body for another shall receive a compromised reading."

The tool asks you to select three cards that best describe your life: I picked Hermit, Juggler, and The Tower (which signifies a working mom who sometimes wears jeans to work). The one error I made: Ignoring the suggestion to wear tight-fitting pants. I was at work, so I posed in what I had on at the time, casual fit capris that are actually a size too big.

old navy booty reader

The Booty Reader gave me my Booty Sign: Passionistica.

Doesn't this sound awesome? No one's ever called me that. This means I have "voluptuous hips, a subtle booty, and a few extra curves." I sound like some kind of sex pot, even though under all those baggy clothes that give the perception of curves, I'm pretty much shaped like a boy.

I'm going to assume that the baggy pants affected the accuracy of the reading, because I don't care for the options selected for me, below.

old navy booty reader

According to Old Navy, I'm a boot-cut girl. All three jeans the tool selected -- the Dreamer in two different colors, and the Sweetheart, have this style leg. I don't take issue with that, I love to be comfy and to wear jeans over boots. But all three are also "classic cut," meaning they fall on the natural waist, which is way too high for me. I'm more comfortable and feel I look better with a low-rise that sits on the hips, especially with my narrow-waist issue.

I'll chalk up the misjudgment to my baggy pants. I should probably try it again wearing my workout pants, but I think two shots of my a** circulating around the Internet for my children to discover and post on their Facebook page one day is plenty.

What's your biggest frustration in finding jeans that fit?


Image via Evil Erin/Flickr

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