After a week at the beach, I've learned some important lessons about fashion -- lessons that I feel it is my civic duty to share with you.
I've compiled them into this post of handy do's and don'ts for the beach.
Feel free to refer to it any time you're preparing for your own beach vacation.
DON'T get a henna tattoo on your tummy unless you have the abs of Jillian Michaels.
I mean seriously. Why would you want to draw everyone's eye to what for most women is at least a little bit of a problem area?
And if you DO get a tummy tatt, for heaven's sake DON'T let the owner of the shop take your picture and post it outside. Because people may take a picture of your picture and post it on their style blog.
Want to see more do's and don'ts? Read on!
Do slather on the sunscreen. There is such a thing as too tanned, people, and you're looking at it. As an amateur chef, all I can think is that this woman looks like she's been roasting in an oven at 400 degrees for way too long.
DON'T go overboard with the matchy matchy beach pictures. I don't have a problem with the boys' matching shirts in this photo, but did the dad really need to go there? (Answer: NO.) Also, while the white shirt/khaki shorts family beach picture was probably a good idea the first time it was done, now it's best avoided. Do you really want to be one of a hundred thousand families hitting the beach at sundown in their white/khaki finest? I cringed every time I saw them.
DO take the time to check your husband/boyfriend/SO's backside if he's in a compromising position on the beach, lest innocent bystanders get a view they didn't bargain for. I came out to see the sunset, dude, not the moon.
DON'T dress as twins with anyone, particularly if you're in your sixties. These women, frankly, scared the hell out of me. They weren't identical twins, but they were sure trying to be and I have no idea why. HOLD ME.
DO expect and embrace imperfection when it comes to taking family photos at the beach. That's what makes them interesting, right? I called this one "Finding Emo" on my Flickr page. Heh.
Got any beach fashion tips you'd like to share? Tell me about them in the comments!