Stop laughing!!!

Here's what happened ...

Last summer, I got a "bare floor" Brazilian wax just before going to the beach, and later wrote about the experience. While I'm not high maintenance enough to get a Brazilian on a regular basis, I was very grateful I'd had it done before my beach trip -- It was well worth the expense.

And that's what brought me back to the beauty salon yesterday for another go -- We're leaving for the beach tomorrow and I wanted to be ready in every sense of the word. This time, I was prepared for all that was going to happen. I was (mostly) unfazed by the awkward intimacy of the situation and gaily chatted away with the aesthetician like I got Brazilians all the time.

And then, without warning, she asked me to turn over on my side and hold onto my leg.

I was all, "What?"

And she was all, "Turn over on your side and hold your leg at a 90-degree angle."

I did what she said and then realized with horror what was about to happen.

I was getting a butt wax.

So that's what she'd meant when she'd asked "Front and back?" at the very beginning! I thought about telling her that I didn't need "back" after all, but decided it would be less awkward to just go along with it. I mean, she'd already seen pretty much all there was to see, right? How bad could it be?

Well, let me tell you, it was bad.  Wax was applied.. in there... and while it was far less uncomfortable than the Brazilian, the embarrassment of having that area exposed to a complete stranger was... let's just say that was definitely the most embarrassing moment of my entire life.

As I lay propped on my side, staring at the wall and trying not to giggle from the improbability of the situation, I found myself having an existential outer body moment, probably to cope with the humilation.

I can't BELIEVE you're letting someone wax that, I told myself while floating somewhere above my body. This says a lot about the kind of person you are. I would have thought you'd have some self respect. Some modesty! So, hussy, what's next? Anal bleaching?

And then, within minutes, it was over and I was on my way, slightly dazed, and hair free in every sense of the word.

I guess I'm telling you ladies this story as a cautionary tale. Watch yourself in those waxing salons. You could think you're having your brows done-- and leave with a butt wax.

If it happened to me, it could happen to anyone.

Image via tata_aka_t/Flickr