Hey, how's that Valentine's chocolate treating you? Pretty tasty, right? All dark and luscious. Well guess what -- you'd better enjoy it while you have it, because thanks to climate change, we may be facing a chocolate shortage. OH MY GOD, NO, NOT THAT!!! Yes, an article in Scientific America reveals the inconvenient truth: Pests, fungus, and climate change are all threatening our precious cacao trees.

Climate change, you can take our polar bears, but you cannot take our chocolate! We will fight you, climate change! How dare you threaten our chocolate.

Kate Upton is now world famous for being on the cover of Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. She's super hot. She's 19. And she's got an awesome rack. You probably thought that was all you needed to know about her, but you might find it interesting to learn that she's got a famous uncle. Well, famous if you're from the sixth congressional district in Michigan, that is. Her father's brother is Rep. Fred Upton, and he's held his position as a Republican congressman in the Wolverine State since 1987.

So, hmm. Do you think this cover of Kate in a red string bikini will hurt her uncle's conservative political career?

Listen up, guys. President Obama delivered a very important public service announcement that you all need to hear. Doesn't matter if you're a liberal, conservative, or libertarian, this message applies to everyone: Don't forget Valentine's Day, and GO BIG.

This was Obama's message today at an event in Washington. And he is so right. Right as in correct, not politically. This is totally not a political post. This is a message of LOVE!

As far as I'm concerned, enchiladas and roast beef would save the day for me, any day. But outside Anchorage, Alaska, enchiladas and roast beef saved the day for the owner of a runaway sled dog. Gather 'round the campfire, everyone, while I share the happy tale of Whistler, the well-fed Iditarod dog.

Whistler had flown with his fellow sled dogs all the way from Norway to Frankfurt to Seattle and finally to Anchorage to compete in the Iditarod. His mistress, Silvia Furtwrangler, thinks maybe he just got stir crazy from all the travel. Somehow he managed to escape from the dog truck and run off! Volunteers who spotted Whistler offered moose steaks and bacon, but Whistler would not exchange his freedom for such meaty snacks! But then he met the enchiladas.

In yet another installment of, "Why I will never, ever, ever get a divorce," a story about a 10-year custody battle of a little boy highlights how anger with your adult partner can seriously harm your child. You'll be forgiven for not immediately seeing the damage done to 16-year-old Alex Abbott, who is at the center of a custody case that just ended simply because he aged out of the process.

To quickly recap: Alex's parents, Jacquelyn Vaye Abbott (American born) and Timothy Abbott (British born), married in England and gave birth to baby Alex in Hawaii. The couple then relocated to Chile and later separated. Jacquelyn had custody, and Timothy had visitation rights. Jacquelyn claimed she could not find work in Chile due to her status as an American citizen, and took Alex (then 10 years old) back to live with her in Texas. Timothy never granted a divorce and has been fighting to have Alex brought back to Chile ever since.

Four months after Amanda Knox was finally acquitted for the murder of Meredith Kercher, prosecutors in Italy want to yank her back and put her back in prison. Prosecutor Giovanni Galati is so sure Amanda is guilty, he's filed a 112-page appeal. He claims he is "very sure" Amanda and her boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito, are guilty of the murder -- and that the appeals ruling that freed Amanda had "omissions and many errors."

You can do that? Appeal an appeal? Yup, it's Italy. I can't believe after all these years this thing is still dragging on. But at least this is supposed to be the final stage in the case. I sure hope they don't win!

Nice try, Tucker Carlson. Yesterday the bow-tied boy wonder "exposed" Media Matters as a liberal cabal that feeds biased stories directly to journalists. Oooh, you got us! There's a progressive nonprofit that's out to expose the lies of Faux News! And sometimes they do some research that passes the sniff test and makes it to the light of day. Thank you Captian Obvious!

Let's not pretend there aren't plenty of well-funded organizations on the right doing the same exact thing. Conservatives are just threatened because it looks like liberals are beating them at their own game. Hearing conservatives act shocked, shocked! that this is going on makes for hilarious tee vee. Well-organized networks of biased research?!? Why, that's OUR shtick!

Typically on Valentine's Day, we're overwhelmed with sweet and schmaltzy stories of marriage proposals and other romantic declarations of love. But the story of the so-called "honeymoon killer" is a story of love gone very, very wrong.

Jury selection began Monday in the trial of Gabe Watson, the man accused of killing his new bride, Tina Watson, while scuba diving on their Australian honeymoon back in 2003. Anyone who has followed the story from the beginning knows Watson's defense by heart: He's saying her death was completely accidental. She panicked during a dive and when he went to help her, she knocked his mask; by the time he recovered, it was too late.

The prosecution, however, is telling a MUCH different story ...