Now That I'm a Mom...

23
twins

My twins, Hunter & Penelope

I'm softer now...and not just around my middle.

Time is even more precious and there is less of it.

Before kids I could do the things I liked to do until 2am -- hell, 4am or later if I wanted to. But now the days end around 8 when we wind things down for the babies, giving me just an hour with them when I get home from work.

It's not enough. I long for the weekend.

I think about my mom and see things much differently now.

I look at families that are emotionally distant and I cannot imagine how that could happen. Mothers estranged. Daughters and sons who were created and nurtured by mom no longer there for each other. How does that bond break?

How can I never let that happen?

I know how, but life gets in the way if people let it.

I won't let it.

I look at my twins and my heart bursts at the seams. Their little hands hold my finger and it makes my day. They have become my everything.

My maternity leave has just ended and I am back to work, filled with the guilt working mothers have that I've only heard about before. My anxiety is heightened right before I leave them in the morning. My heart beats heavy for them all day.

I worry they will love the nanny more than me, but my friend Christie tells me there is no way -- they know who mommy is just by my scent.

But it's still hard.

Harder than I ever imagined.

The type of love I feel as a mother is so profound, so magical.

I see everything differently now. Everything.

And even though I didn't think it was possible, I am loving my mother more.

If only love paid the bills we could all be with our kids more. Our families more. We could create more moments and not wait for a time that may never come.

As a new mom, everything is more intense and people say it will get easier. But I don't want it to...I don't want to miss them less.

Now that I'm a mom I feel more beautiful than I ever thought possible -- I feel a sense of peace within myself -- and I want to remember this feeling and never let it slip away.

 

Related posts:

Secrets of a New Mom

Mom to Mom: You're Doing Great!

Good Moms, Not Perfect Moms

bonding, newborns, time for mom

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ethan... ethans_momma06

:) I am so happy that you are really able to enjoy motherhood, and all the feelings and emotions it has to offer to the fullest.


It's funny... I always had such problems with my mom growing up... motherhood has made me a little bit more compassionate for what life must have been like for her, it has made us grow closer I think.


Above all else that motherhood is, it is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

joey125 joey125

That was so beautiful and profound, I have my tissue, it was needed.  You will make a great mom I know, I know because you are my child .  

Kodee... Kodeekins

You, my friend, are awesome! The magnitude of motherhood never got any less awesome for me. I doubt it will for you either. :-)

sstepph sstepph

:) being a mommy is the best.


i really loved reading this!

kelli... kelli0585

Beautiful post!


And. . .


I spy an Aiden & Anais blanket swaddling Penelope.  Aren't those the BEST?  My son is almost 7 months, and they're still the only blanket I use!

Cafe... Cafe Suzanne

Michele, This is so lovely. It gets easier—and harder; better—and worse. But it's all wonderful. You are already a great mom!

Cafe... Cafe Jenn

Welcome back!


Working mom guilt is the worst, no matter if you are working part time, full time or from home.  Your friend is correct they do know who you are.  Cherish all those little moments you get with them.  They mean the most. 


BTW, I almost cried reading this.  You put so much feeling into it.

Cafe... Cafe MicheleZ

Aww -- you women are wonderful! Thank you for your comments! And yes! Aden & Anais blankets -- I got them as gifts and we also have the burp cloths and sleep sacks from them -- love!

Ravis... RavishingMama

It does get easier but you never miss your kids less!  I worked after having my first because I had to financially and my sister watched my son, and he loves her to this day but when your baby gets that special mommy smile when you walk in the door you will know that no matter how much/or little time you have with them they love you and you are their mommy and *nothing* will change that!! 


I now have the privilege to be a stay-at-home-mom and am loving it but as a mom I always will have a bit of guilt...not having the extra income and in a strange way missing work and the accomplishment I got from it.  Motherhood isn't always the most exciting job but it surely is the most fulfilling!!

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