Photo by MickeyZ
As you may know, actress Jennifer Garner, wife of Ben Affleck and mom to Violet 4, and Seraphina, 1, is a huge breastfeeding advocate. She also makes her own baby food. Then again, she probably has the time and/or the flexibility to go the homemade route. I loved the idea of pureeing my own carrots and chicken; I just could never get my act together enough to do it. A lot of moms are in this boat.
The thing I like about Jennifer is she wouldn't have criticized me for it.
“It just makes me crazy, whether it’s between staying at home, going to work, how long you breastfeed, if you use formula … I feel like we should just assume everyone is doing the best they can. Women should take care of each other, not tear each other down," Garner told Parade via Celebrity Babies.
Few topics pit moms against each other more than breastfeeding versus formula, all you have to do is take a peek around CafeMom to discover that. And oftentimes the debate goes off in weird directions, like the CafeMom Newcomer's Club discussion from over the weekend: Is Formula Feeding Creepy?
Creepy. That was a new one on me.
"Yes, it is creepy as hell," one mom commented. "A plastic fake nipple, poor babies. It is like adding salt to a cut, first you give them crap in a can, now you put it in a plastic cold bottle."
Harsh. Jennifer would not approve of this.
If you take part in this debate, do you think you are supporting or alienating other moms who are trying to care for their children? Or do you assume, as my new best friend Jennifer says, that "we're all doing the best we can"?
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Comments 25
Personally, I'm annoyed with this kumbaya-we're-all-moms-so-we-should-agree-and-support nonsense. What one person might consider "best" for their child, another might consider abuse. A mom's "best" could just as easily be her laziness. There isn't always right or wrong, but there is better. For a healthy woman, breastfeeding is optimally better for their baby's health and wellness than formula. That's not a judgment. It's fact. I find formula-feeding mothers to be more defensive, actually, especially spreading these convenient theories that alleviate their own possible guilt. I've had women tell me:
"Doctors say formula is better for babies, anyway, becauase you may not eat properly and formula gives your baby the right nutrients."
What doctor would say this? I've had friends who had rough deliveries and weren't able to breastfeed, so they had to use formula. So what? Baby gets fed. They didn't go around badmouthing breastfeeding or mothers who do, because they weren't insecure. Those are the moms that bother me. They are insecure because they aren't able to breastfeed, so they accuse those of us who do of being mean and judgmental all the while, claiming formula is superior. How is that any different than what the snotty breastfeeding moms do? Grow up, everyone. Please.
I think all moms do the best they can. Some moms cant breast feed there babies for one or more reasons and some moms chose not to. I breast fed my son till he was 6 months old, then my body decided it was done and so did my son. I did the best i could. I think it should be everyones personal chioce and other moms shouldnt tell them thier bad mommys becuase of the choices they make about THIER child. People need to remember that its not there childand they need to respect other parents chioces.
"People need to remember that its not there childand they need to respect other parents chioces."
I see this attitude a lot. While it's a peaceful, polite one it's also very dangerous. "My kid, my business" is hardly acceptable in ALL situations.
This isn't about breastfeeding, because some women can't. I'm not trying to pick on you, jinglebells, but when I hear people say that it really frustrates me. Sometimes mothers don't take the best care of their own children, even if they are trying their hardest. I know from personal experience. I really think my mother would rather have killed me with her bare hands than let me live with a family where I would've been happier and treated with respect. Moms are territorial, but that doesn't mean they're loving.
For the most part, this dialogue has been refreshingly civil. However, I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding on the part of certain posters. What it comes down to is this - something organic and from the source will always be the best choice, but in the world we live in, that is just not always possible. And when we can't get organic, from-the-source food, we turn to supplements or well-processed foods (and I'm not talking McDonald's here - I'm talking non-organic fruit when you can't afford organic, or pasteurized cheese if you don't live on a farm, LOL). There are obviously differences between formula and breastmilk - you can't think of them as being "alike" - they are 2 different types of nutrition for babies. Both good. Is breastmilk, on average, better? Yes. But not every woman is average, or in an average situation. In our Western culture, with plentiful, clean water, formula feeding is a perfectly healthy choice, and to say otherwise is just plan wrong. So... knowing that, I think the argument of having to "protect" babies from formula feeding moms or moms who were "able" to nurse and opted not to, is pretty weak. Let everyone care for their baby the way they see fit. It's not a religion, and you don't need to save anyone from formula. And yeah - Jennifer Garner is as smart as she is cute. :)
i literally got stopped by a woman last week while my dd was drinking her bottle and she told me "you must not love your child" and walked away like she said hello!
i never get why ppl are so crazy about this but i always leave my opinion on this and other baby topics (cloth diapers, shoes at 6 months, etc) to myself!
I think whastever choice any other mom nakes is her choice and I dont expect for her to push her choice on me either
It's a mothers choice whether she wants to BF or not. I think if you can't stay civil in a post then you need to stay out of it, if you open a FF post and the mother isn't asking for help with BFing then there is no need to bring it up, same if it was a BF post. I also think there is to many BF advocates that really don't understand that some women can't BF and when they are told yes you can it just makes them feel worse then they already do.....so yes...they are going to fight back.
we are doing the best we can and that's the end of my debate =-D
I don't care what other people decide to do... I personally am adamant about breastfeeding my babies and so I want all the information and support that I can get