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photo by loopywillow
I always thought when I had a baby, I'd be surrounded by a community of mothers with children around the same age (my sisters and their kids, my cousins and their kids, my friends and their kids). But things didn't work out that way. This one had a kid 10 years ago, that one moved, another chose not to have kids, and so on. I ended up having a baby in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of winter, not knowing another Baby Mama in town.
Sure, I had friends—single men, single women, and couples without children who made it clear that they never wanted any. I was afraid that my daughter would never have a single friend and it would be all my fault. But as winter turned to spring all the new moms and babies came out of hibernation and suddenly ... everything got even harder. Making friends with moms is not easy.
I was wondering if anyone else on CafeMom felt this way and found that kharma had posted an article from the Washington Post in her journal called, Working the Mom Network: The struggles of making new mom friends. It's all about a mom trying to make friends and it is hilarious. Give it a read if you feel anything like me—or even if you don't.
For now, I've decided that:
1. I've got good friends even if they don't have kids. I think I'll keep 'em.
2. I don't have to be friends with a mom for my daughter to be friends with her kid. I won't stress and will let things happen naturally.
3. If I need mommy talk or mommy support, I can turn to all of you here on CafeMom. (Let's be friends!)
How about you? Do you find it hard or easy to make friends with other moms? Got any "how to make mommy friends" tips you'd like to share?
Comments (5)
I think It depends on how close you want to be. I can carry on a conversation with almost anyone, but when you get to know someone better and discuss some of the heavier issues, you can get into trouble.
I have problems being friendly with people on here, just because so many seem so judgemental. I plan on breastfeeding my son for a year, but to some I'm practically a criminal if I don't let my child self-wean when he's three. I can only imagine how lousy some of the non-breastfeeding Moms feel when someone gets on their case for "not wanting what's best for her child".
Parenting is hard, we should support one another, not judge. This is why I'm having a hard time making Mommy friends. : )
I am in the same boat. I got married around the same time as one of my closer friend couples and thought for sure we'd start having kids at the same time. That wasn't the case. I have two know and they are thinking of starting a family in may 2-3 years. Most of my girlfirends don't seem interested in kids anytime soon, and then family members...ha ha ha. Cousins either moved away, don't want to get married for a while or just have no interest yet. So yeah, my babies get play time at the playground once in a while and gobble that up, but for me I look to online web sites for mommy firends and a place to hang out.
I think I am one of those moms that is hard to be friends with... I like, ok love, my own space. So when another mommy tries to befriend me too hard I freak out and avoid her at all cost. I am one of those friends that wont answer the door or the phone if I am not in the mood to talk. And that happens to be a lot of the time. But I am completely ok with my friends ignoring me for a week.
I guess I have no friends because I can't find anyone willing to have this kind of relationship with me. Where are you my fellow ignoring friends?
I'm with MommyMartini here, though I hate to admit it. I use to be a lot more outgoing when it came to making friends with new people but as I've gotten older, I've come to appriciate my own time and space. That, and I think I've beome a bit more jaded with people in general. It's so much easier to keep the friends I already have (even if they aren't parents), become aquainted with new folks here at cafemom, and avoid disappointment of dealing with other new parents face to face. Don't take it hard dearie... we're here for ya! :)