I Don't Want to Hold Your Baby! (Except I Really Do)

on August 14, 2009 at 11:08 AM

Photo by MartinsMom2008

A writer on Babble has posted a hilarious rant about holding other people's babies, which can be summed up by this statement:

"Just because I have a uterus that was once occupied by a person, I don’t want to hold your baby...and I don't want to babysit."

I always, always want to hold other people's babies (probably to a fault), so this doesn't apply to me. But I'm wondering if other women can empathize with her...

The writer's point is simply this: Because she's mom, other moms always assume that she wants to hold their baby. And sometimes she really does. But sometimes—like when the baby is crying or when she herself is trying to eat or be social—she doesn't.

I'm always surprised when women immediately ask me if I want to hold their baby, assuming that I do. As I said, this is fine with me, but I can understand why other women are uncomfortable with this.

I really like how one of my friends handles this situation. If she brings her baby to a social gathering, she simply says to the group: "If anyone wants to hold Kyle let me know; if not, that's fine, too." That way her mom friends get to hold Kyle—but on their own terms.

What do you think about this? Do you get annoyed when people assume you want to hold their baby? Or do you love it like I do?

About the author Kim Conte

has shoes that make people stop her on the street and ask "Where did you get those?" but it doesn't work for taxi cabs as she was hit by one ... and lived to tell the tale. She has more freckles than Lohan but way less attitude. And she's a fierce cook with tons of recipes to share -- and wishes she could share some with Bourdain.

Filed Under: post-birth outings

Comments (23)

FuzNet

on Aug 14, 2009 at 11:46 AM

Personally in the two years before I had my son I was so desperately trying to have a child all to wanted do was hold other people's babies in hopes that magic would rub off on me. Now that I have my son I am to busy hold anyone else's. I guess we will find out when my friend delivers soon.

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CaptainMcMommy

on Aug 14, 2009 at 12:04 PM

i get more annoyed when people just come up and take my baby without asking. that's a big thing at my church. you hardly ever see the parents holding their own baby. my mil does the same thing...even if brooke is sleeping!

ethans_momma06

on Aug 14, 2009 at 12:16 PM

Nope I am a baby-lover. I guess in some situations (like eating or whaterver) it might make it uncomfortable for the non-parents to be stuck holding a child but, I still love it! On the other hand I didn't want to let my baby go so if you didn't want to hold him-fine by me!

I do think the second womans approach is a very good one, however if you arent in a group, it might make it a little awkward?

aurorabunny

on Aug 14, 2009 at 12:29 PM

I ALWAYS want to hold babies. Baby-sitting though, not so much.

MyMommyLife

on Aug 14, 2009 at 12:56 PM

This is so funny because I was just thinking about it the other day. Before having my baby, I wanted to hold all babies whenever there was an opportunity. Now, its not that I like babies any less but I am just not as interested anymore. I love to hold my baby 24/7 (seriously... my husband says I am ruining him), so I just don't really think about asking to hold someone else's anymore. When I am around my sister in law who had a baby a few months before me, we will swap for a few minutes but I usually just want my baby and have consequentally lost the desire to hold others as much. Maybe when he is no longer a baby it will come back.

SweetPea102689

on Aug 14, 2009 at 3:18 PM

This is funny because my mom was just at the beach on Saturday and where they go they have showers and changing rooms and everything.. so my mom had just gotten out of the shower and had gotten dressed and was brushing her hair when a young mom came in and was looking through all her bags for a changing mat.. my mom offered to hold her daughter while she found it and the lady was very rude and said well are your hands sanatized.. my mom had just gotten out of the shower and had just washed her hands and the lady watched her wash her hands.. needless to say my mom took back the offer and finished her day

Freela

on Aug 14, 2009 at 3:51 PM

I always want to hold babies! But babysitting... not for me. I have my hands full with my own kids. Once a good friend suggested that if she returned to work I could pick up and drop off her child from school for her because 'you're probably so busy with your own kids that you won't even notice one more.' Luckily she's a good enough friend that I could speak my mind and set her straight very quickly!

amw529

on Aug 14, 2009 at 4:43 PM

before i had my baby and when i was single, no one ever asked me to hold their baby, and that made me sad, like only mom's knew how to hold a baby. now that i am a mom, i spend so much time holding my own, but i would still love to hold other babies.

heather.darin

on Aug 14, 2009 at 5:38 PM

I have never really liked holding babies. I am just not a holderLOL. Luckily my DD didn't like to be held unless she was BF'ing so we were a perfect match. I don't mind holing others for a minutes or 2 but then I am ready to pass them back to mom :) Of course I almost immediately grew outta my anti holding when DD was little but she didn't like getting held till around 8 months old.