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Wow. According to this article in the Daily Mail, some dads might not be as happy about new babies as we might expect...
According to the article, new books about fatherhood suggest that post-natal depression can hit men as well as women. They reveal that many men feel "demoralized, depressed, or just plain bored" upon becoming a new father.
Michael Lewis, author of Home Game, An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood, admits that he felt "detached amusement" and even "hatred" during the first six weeks after his daughter Quinn was born. (For more on this book, check out Cafe Sheri's thoughtful post commenting on Lewis's NPR interview in which he says he had a tougher parenting deal than his dad.)
Another author, Steve Doocy, who wrote the forthcoming Tales from the Dad Side: Misadventures in Fathering, expounds on this sentiment, saying there is a reason many new dads feel so clueless. Whereas women are "programmed to mother", he says that "A man doesn't have much of a foundation in fathering. It's more on-the-job-training—and it starts the day he becomes a father."
What do you think about all these men confessing that they've had a mix of emotions (some good, some bad) associated with becoming a new dad? Did you notice a similar reaction in your partner after you had a baby?
Comments (6)
Perhaps it has something to do with your wife being so sleep deprived she doesn't know her name. Then you throw in no sex for weeks (or months) on end. Who wouldn't be depressed and bored.
But when you average 3 or less hours of sleep at a time, you have to fight to take a shower, your boobs spend more time OUT of your shirt than in, and you can't remember the last time you left the house without packing for 45 min, it's hard to compete for wife of the year.
Just an observation!
The idea that women are 'programmed to mother' seems like an easy out for dads... when I had my first child I certainly didn't feel programmed to mother. I had minimal experience with babies (had never changed a diaper before my son was born), bf'ing was really rough going for the first month, I had a fractured tailbone and a ton of stitches and felt like I had been hit by a truck. Whatever biological 'programming' I had at that point was not helping me much! I can see how dads are down and overwhelmed with a new baby... sleep deprivation, lack of sex, and having to put themselves second to a very needy little person are all tough adjustments. However I think it's adjustment to PARENTING that is hard for both sexes, not that one sex has it harder than the other. Takes two to make a baby, takes two to adjust ot parenthood.
I couldn't have said it better than Freela. It's a hard adjustment for both parents. I still believe that mothers have to sacrifice a lot more than fathers. I definitely didn't quite feel programmed, just intensely in love.
Whatever. They need to buck up. If you're bored and a new father then you obviously aren't doing enough.
I will call BS. I think it is more they are just bored. Personally I didn't find newborns difficult or really a lot of work. But there was a lot of staying in the house stuff, not much outside of the house. That is what drove my husband nuts, cabin fever. Then I think the "depression" is more jealousy, they use to being the center of their wife's world and all a sudden they are second if at all in their wife's mind. It is a huge blow to their very delicate egos. In the end they need to get over it, they aren't going through half of what a woman does recovering from even the easiest birth.
I have to say i agree....the day of me a DH had our 2nd daughter....he went into a deep depression. It was not fun...and there was drinking and we neve drink. It took a while to get through but after a month everything was back to normal and he was being a great dad.