Does Your Babysitter Make You Feel Like a Loser?

on May 5, 2009 at 2:37 PM

babysitter judges you My friend Kim uses a babysitter, Roxanne, a few times a week so she can get all her errands done without having to drag her two babies around with her. I've met Roxanne, and while she's great with kids, I'm afraid of her. All the moms in our playgroup are.

Roxanne scolded Kim for giving her kids cereal bars that contained high fructose corn syrup. Kim isn't the type to worry about that particular ingredient, but she searched high and low for some breakfast bars that Roxanne would deem suitable. Kim didn't do it for her kids, she did it for Roxanne.

Another time, Kim left the groceries out when she got home from shopping so she could tend to her kids. Roxanne tsked tsked her and started unloading them, saying, "This milk has got to get into the refrigerator." And Roxanne raises her eyebrows whenever Kim lets her baby cry in her crib.

Amy Hatch over at ParentDish says she has a great babysitter who also does light housekeeping. Still she asks, "So why do I always feel like such a jerk when I leave a mess in the kitchen when she shows up in the morning? Why do I rush around and hide the pan I made nachos in at 9 p.m. the night before, and was too tired to clean before bed? Why do I feel like she goes home and tells her Ugg-wearing roommates that she works for a big fat piggy? A piggy who lets her kids eat lollipops at 9 a.m.?"

It turns out that a lot of moms feel like their babysitters are judging them. It may or may not be true—it could be that we're just much too hard on ourselves.

Do you feel like your babysitter judges your parenting and housekeeping?

About the author Suzanne Murray

is the Parenting & Political editor at The Stir/Moms Matter 2012.

Filed Under: child care

Comments (23)

Mamaoftwingles

on May 5, 2009 at 2:57 PM

I don't use a baby sitter, but there is no way I'd let anyone tell me how to parent my children. Would be time to get a new sitter or tote the babies with me!

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RanaAurora

on May 5, 2009 at 3:00 PM

I don't have a babysitter.

However, this babysitter obviously does not have the same goals as the mom... although the mom probably could learn some things. If you find that you're incompatible, find someone else!

Kelli.and.Ellie

on May 5, 2009 at 3:01 PM

i think it shouldnt matter to us women. who cares, there will always be THAT mother that will do that to you, who cares.....everyone raises their children different and that is what makes us who we are today!! :)

titusmommy

No. The girl i have watch my son has been a friend of the family for years and I have never got the vibe that she thinks I am a slobby housekeeper or lazy mom.

Peajewel

on May 5, 2009 at 3:13 PM

I think as Mother's, we tend to feel guilty about everything.....especially when you are a working Mom. My own Mother comes to my house to baby sit and I know she is never judging me but before I go to bed, I clean my living room and do my dishes just in case.

PiggyBug

on May 5, 2009 at 3:14 PM

Well, I hate to be on the opposite side of the fence on this one, but as both a mother and having been a home daycare provider in the past, I feel that there is an issue that isn't being addressed: some mothers don't know how to be mothers. When a mother says that she'll pick her child up at 4 pm and then doesn't show up until 11 pm...that shows a lack of concern on her part. I even called the mom to tell her that I didn't have enough food to feed her children and that there wasn't enough room in my car to take all the kids to the store, she shrugged it off, "Oh, they'll be fine. Go ahead and put them in the other room while you eat. They'll be okay." WHAT?! And since my children do not eat *junk* (not referring to the sucker comment above, LOL, this is a personal example) for breakfast, when the mother would send their kids with an un-nutritious breakfast, I sent it back home with them. I fed her kids what mine were eating and told her to not send it back again. I'm sorry, but I am not giving a child soda or Kool Aid, cookies and/or cake, for breakfast. Maybe the moms didn't like it, but I am not going to contribute to the ill-care of their children. I, on the other hand, was the one scrambling in the morning to hide all signs of my midnight snacks! LOL

MommaTasha1003

on May 5, 2009 at 3:28 PM

I think moms are being to hard on themself. In highschool my friend babysat for a lady & when needed she would help her around the house.. Me or my friend never judged the mom. she was a great mom... but she was busy & guess what, sometimes that means your house isnt so perfect & you cant eat off the floors & you dont make every meal from scratch!

MAyers

on May 5, 2009 at 3:53 PM

I don't use a babysitter, I am the babysitter. I don't judge the woman that I sit for, there are some things we see differently about but that's her choice to do whatever she feels right about her child. It's her first child so she's still learning everything about kids since she's never been around one.

we2angels

on May 5, 2009 at 5:01 PM

I think she should find a babysitter more in tune with her way of parenting. Just like she wouldn't be friends with that person I don't know why she would let someone make her feel bad.

There is a helpful sitter telling the mom something important (such as I noticed when your daughter drinks milk she's getting a rash, have you had that checked out) and overzealous parenting that makes you feel rotten (such as the high fructose corn syrup thing).

Overall your sitter should care for your kids in much the same manner you would. And I'm the kind that doesn't read every label, that sometimes has to let the baby cry, etc and I wouldn't feel right with someone that was super over the top super mom...

AgentBrez

on May 5, 2009 at 5:46 PM

i dont have a babysitter. im a SAHM with no family around us. we are still new to the area [we relocated] but i do have a few friends i could call on if i really needed help.

sounds like your friend Kim needs to find a new babysitter!