Does Wanting a Girl, But Having a Boy Make You an Unfit Mother?

91

 

want a girl or boy

photo from Better World Books

Three days after having her baby boy Luke by C-section, Karen Piper was ready to take him home to the nursery she had lovingly prepared. But instead of getting the typical discharge papers to fill out, Piper was visited by uniformed police, a social worker, a psychiatrist, and assorted doctors and nurses.

Her baby had been placed on "medical hold" while government investigators considered whether Piper was fit to take Luke home. She had failed to bond with her baby, a nurse told Piper.

Why? Right after delivery, when she was woozy and exhausted, Piper mentioned to her doctor that she'd been hoping for a girl.

A nurse-practitioner told Piper that it was awful that a new mother could be disappointed not to have had a girl. "She told me the burden was on me to prove that I should be allowed to take my baby home," says Piper, a lawyer who works at the U.S. Department of the Interior.

Washington Hospital Center spokeswoman Paula Faria says medical personnel "have a legal obligation to report to local agencies any concerns staff have about discharge of a patient, and especially little newborns." She says it was the medical staff's "professional recommendation that we had to take steps to make sure the best interests of the baby were protected. We really believe we did do the right thing."

Eventually, Piper was able to take her son home, but only after a very stressful week.

What do you think? Does mentioning you wanted a baby of the opposite sex make you an unfit mother?

bonding

91 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

auror... aurorabunny

That's kind of insane.  I don't think it's unfair for anyone to admit that they were hoping for a baby of the opposite gender.


That said, people that sit around and are depressed about it do piss me off, I'm not going to lie.  Maybe it's just because my son is disabled but I think people should get the heck over it and be happy that they have a healthy child.

medic... medicwife

Geez, now we can't say anything or the thought police will take away our babies. I have been shocked over and over again with the medical community (which I am a part of) in their treatment of women especially pregnant women. I for one have stopped saying "that will never happen to me" because I am seeing more and more of these kinds of stories.

tboys... tboysnell

It is fine to wish for a baby of the opposite  gender and even voice that.I was fortunate enough to have both genders.   In my family that has an overabundance of boys(my parents have 11 grandsons, 4 great grandsons, 1 granddaughter and one greatgranddaughter), it is normal and expected for ALL of us to wish for a girl.  However, when the boys arrive, we love them and care for them. When we find out a baby is on the way, we say "maybe God will slip up and give us a girl this time."  Some coworkers thought my daughter was terrible for wishing for a girl as her second child.  She has an older son that is autistic (it seems more boys are autistic than girls).  She gave birth to a healthy boy but I know that she still feels she is missing out on the joys that a daughter could bring.  There will not be a daughter calling her for advice and help.  She may have daughter in laws but it is not the same. 

MissM... MissMandaz

I was pregnant with a girl and wanted a boy. I had a nephew that was three. I new all about boys and felt like i had no clue what to do with a girl.. WEll now i am happily figuring out what to do with a girl and trying not to teach her to be a tomboy but to be her own person. and I ened up having my boy, who is now one... I totally dont think wanting one sex and having another makes you an unfit parrent, but I do believe that for the situation to be taken that serious, there has to be some information left out..


~Mandaz

madam... madamekatekate

Wow. Well, I suppose it's a good thing I'm getting my second girl. I never know what I'm going to say during the regular day, add a hospital and exhaustion and I could have been in trouble (I was very vocally against having a boy, lol). I had really thought it was the end-all for me but the morning of my ultrasound I told myself "Shut up, Kate. You're going to be just as happy either way." And yes I got my girl but I now realize I truly would have been just as happy.


Had it been me in that hospital...That nurse better stay at the other freaking end of the maternity ward.


 

Amara... Amaranth361

HECK NO!


It just means you wanted to experience the difference. And sometimes the grass seems greener on the other side but it in no way takes from the good mom you already are and will continue to be.

MILFI... MILFInProgress

Oh my god, seriously! I cried when I found out I was having a girl, because I wanted a boy so bad. Now I can't imagine ever not having my daughter. Freaking this society needs to get over their Holier than Thou mentalilty. I have yet to meet any new mom who got the gender they were hoping for. I wanted a boy and had a girl, my friend wanted a girl and had a boy.......mean while they let a women who had 8 babies on PURPOSE take all of her babies no problem. I hate this society!!!!!!

ilove... ilovemyson2002

i whated a girl but i got a boy n he 1 year old so now i got 2 boys and i love them both and since my oldest has been sick his hole life

Elija... Elijahsmommy9

I agree with a previous poster. For them to take this case so seriously, there must be more to the story. She must have said or done other things to worry the staff. I dont see how they could have a legitimate case if all she said was an off comment of, "I was hoping for a girl."

FIVEH... FIVEHAPPYHEARTS

wat happened to freedome of speach man iwas hoping for a girl but got a littel angel boy hehe but i still love my son

1-10 of 91 comments 12345 Last
F