Do Babies Ruin Friendships?

on April 20, 2009 at 3:04 PM

True friends 4-eva!

"About three weeks after my son was born I went out to meet a friend for coffee. It took Herculean effort to get out the door—finding sweatpants that fit over my yo-yoing waist and a hat to cover my dirty hair, strapping my protesting infant into a carrier, packing diapers and blankets and pacifiers—and by the time I got to the cafe I was a sweaty, anxious mess.

My friend was wearing heels and looked sickeningly well rested.

'Oh!' she said, 'I didn't know you'd be bringing the baby!'

No, I thought I'd just leave him home alone, tended by our cats."

So writes Emily Zeeberg, mom to Emerson.

It's so funny and so true. Having a baby changes your life. It can also change the relationships in your life—for better or for worse. Before we had our baby, Mr. Cafe Suzanne and I hung out with a group of friends, none of whom has kids (and none of whom wants them). Needless to say, when we get invited over for dinner or brunch, our baby is not welcome—even though they always say, "Bring the baby along!" we know they don't mean it. It's hard for them to understand that we can't do things at the last minute, or stay out as late as we used to. I've found we tend to see them less, and that's just the way it is for now.

Has having a baby changed your relationships or caused you to lose friends?

About the author Suzanne Murray

is the Parenting & Political editor at The Stir/Moms Matter 2012.

lovemybabys1106

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:27 PM

yep all of my friends are kid-less. But My friends are 700 miles away so when I see them they are always happy to see baby too.

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melk819

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:30 PM

So true I mean one of my friends calls me and asks all the time do you guys want to go out tonight to kareoke or something? I am like yeah cause it is the cool thing now to bring babies to bars. People without kids just don't get it!!!!

unLucky209

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:34 PM

Yeah I'm the only one of my friends with a baby...and I can count on one hand the times I've gone out with them in the past 2 years on one hand.

hippymama162

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:36 PM

Not really,most of my friends and I had babies around the same time.

babysyoungmom1

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:39 PM

yes

dannydawna

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:44 PM

I wouldn't say that babies ruin friendships- for me it was more that it showed me who my true friends were. Yeah, that means I don't go out much and I have lost a lot of friends, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

teenagemama19

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:52 PM

nope! all of our friends understand we have a baby, so either he comes along, and my hubby does not drink, or we make a place for our son to sleep if we stay over. BUT usually we stay home, and have our friends come over after the baby is asleep.

aurorabunny

on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:58 PM

Hey at least your friends still call...most of our pre-baby friends just assumed we couldn't do anything so they should never call us ever gain after our son was born. Granted we really can't get out much anymore, but it would still be nice to be invited from time to time.

dbodani

on Apr 20, 2009 at 4:00 PM

I agree that if they don't have kids, they just don't get it. I am always getting asked to go out and then when I tell them I can't they make me feel bad about never seeing them! I am 21 as well so most of my friends are all still in "party mode" and it's not really my scene anymore.

cutebaby06

on Apr 20, 2009 at 4:10 PM

I say it does!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! `I used to have a "bunch" of people who called,but right after I had my kid,they ALL stopped calling.There was the usual "If you ever need a sitter,just call me,I'd be glad to babysit anytime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".Of course they never answered their phone or called me back.