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photo by ivansmom07
There's a lot of discussion on CafeMom about CIO or Crying It Out. Some moms find it very useful for getting their little one to sleep. Other moms think "it's so stupid."
Just what is CIO and why do moms have such strong feelings on the subject? I'll be talking to two moms—one who uses CIO and one who doesn't—to get their takes on this method of getting your baby to sleep at night.
Today, meet ivansmom07 and see what she has to say about CIO.
Cafe Suzanne: What is CIO or Crying It Out?
ivansmom07: CIO is a 'sleep training' method that requires a child to be left to cry in order to fall asleep. It can mean crying for increments of 5 or 10 minutes at a time, or simply crying until the child falls asleep.
Cafe Suzanne: You're the group owner of CIO Alternatives so I'm guessing you don’t practice CIO. Why not?
ivansmom07: It wasn't a method that worked for my son or one that I felt was healthy. I don't have the heart to hear him cry. I associate his cries with a need. Babies cry as a way of communication. When they are crying, it is their way of saying they need something. Whatever that need may be, it's my duty as his mom to fill it.
Cafe Suzanne: So you have tried CIO?
ivansmom07: Yes, once. It was horrible.
Cafe Suzanne: Why do you think CIO is harmful to babies?
ivansmom07: When a baby's cry goes unanswered, the baby learns mistrust. The baby learns that its needs will not be met, and eventually learns there is no need to alert anyone of the pain or hunger he might be feeling. Obviously, age plays a factor in this. You need to respond to a crying two-month-old quicker than a two-year-old. Studies show that when we do not respond to a bay's cry, this causes undue amounts of stress. Another study showed that persistent crying episodes in infancy led to a 10 times greater chance of a child having ADHD, resulting in poor school performance and antisocial behavior.
Cafe Suzanne: Does CIO affect moms too?
ivansmom07: A mother's intuition is a powerful thing. When you train her to ignore it, she's going against every motherly instinct she has been given. CIO trains the mother to ignore her baby who is crying out to her and only responds by tuning into the clock. Her natural, instinctive reaction should be to respond to her baby. I believe that CIO defeans mom's ears to her baby's cry. By shutting out the cry, she is shutting out her physical and emotional need to respond to it. This can affect a mother's response to her baby during the day. The most important thing we can do is read our baby. When we tune into
our babies, our jobs as parents becomes easier. It's natural to follow our
hearts, our motherly instinct. This goes for everything from CIO and beyond.
Cafe Suzanne: What are some of the alternatives to CIO?
ivansmom07: Co-sleeping, bed sharing, rocking, holding, and setting up bedtime routines. Baby doesn't have to fall asleep in his mom's arms if that's something that a mom is worried about. But when baby is comfortable and secure before he's laid in bed, he will find it easy to fall asleep comfortably and securely.
Cafe Suzanne: Why are these alternatives better for the baby?
ivansmom07: Babies learn to associate sleep time with a happy wind-down time when he does not have to cry for extended periods of time in order to go to sleep. It also makes the transition from either family bed or crib to their own bed easier. They feel more confident when they go to sleep so having a new bed isn't scary for them. In the long run, it can also make for a more secure and independent child.
Cafe Suzanne: Why are these alternatives better for the mom?
ivansmom07: It's peaceful for everyone involved. The relationship a mom is building from the beginning with her baby is something that can be treasured for years to come. It's all about security and trust. Moms will know that her baby trusts her and she'll find that in the long run (teen years) it will be much easier for her children to come to her with problems—drugs. sex. I know it's wild to think that far ahead, or to think that one simple thing will make that much of a difference, but it's about building trust and security and that starts early.
Cafe Suzanne: What advice would you give someone who has a baby that just won’t go to sleep?
ivansmom07: Be patient. Hang in there! Time has been the only true and tested long-term sleep solution.
Cafe Suzanne: Are there any books you recommend?
ivansmom07: The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley; The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp; and Nighttime Parenting by Dr. Sears.
For more information on alternatives to CIO, check out the CIO Alternatives group.
Stay tuned to the Baby Buzz to see what a mom who uses the CIO method has to say.
Have you ever tried the CIO method to get your baby to sleep? Did it work? Did you like it?
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Comments (51)
We did let our babies cry it out as a means to more independent sleep for them -- but with some boundaries. They were both at least four months of age before we started getting serious about it -- so definitely at an age where they were already sleeping through the night and we wanted to start training them to fall asleep on their own. Here are a few things I'd say about it:
It wasn't easy! Of course you want to go in and comfort them, and usually what we'd do is go in a time or two to reassure them and remind them that we were still there nearby. After a time or two, we'd let them wind down on their own (even if it was hard for them and us!).
We were consistent, but not perfectly so, 100 percent of the time. On occasion, if it just didn't feel right for some reason or we couldn't do it, we'd go in and pick up the baby and walk with him/her until they went back to sleep.
Obviously there are extenuating circumstances -- if a baby is sick or uncomfortable, all bets are off and CIO isn't an option (or wasn't for us.)
Every mom has to do what feels right and comfortable to her -- but I do have two good, independent sleepers now and I'm happy about that! :) It can be hard to figure out when you're in the middle of sleepless nights, but eventually you get there and it all works out!
I am not a user of CIO. My sons father believes that is the only method we should try with our 10 month old and he has no patience at all. So when he tells me "DONT PICK HIM UP LET HIM CRY" Sometimes i just sit and let him cry. Let me tell you, with my son... if u let him cry for 3 hours, he will cry for 3 hours. He wont cry himself to sleep. He will cry until he cant catch his breath. Sometimes it take 20-30 minutes for him to start breathing correctly. It breaks my heart, SO i dont use that method anymore. His father still tells me, let him CIO. But I dont like it at all. It doesnt do anything but upset my son. He says i spoil my son but I dont think tending to your child is spoiling. Hes just a baby, he doesnt know how to talk so he cant tell me what he wants yet. He cries instead. And hes a REALLY good boy. He rarely cries, so when he doesn something is wrong.
I agree 100% with every word of this! My DD is almost 6 months old and has never been left to CIO and never will. She goes to sleep quickly and sleeps for 11 hours at night. It's amazing what babies will do when you step back and listen to their cues.
I agree as well. There are other methods that you can use to get your child to go to sleep. They're only babies once, and I would much rather have my daughter know that I will always be there for her than to just let her 'figure it out on her own'.
I will never and have never allowed a child to CIO. I'm pregnant with my 6th and all my kids are great sleepers. Only one had to be taught and we used a no cry solution. I don't think it right to leave a young child to cry alone in the name of 'teaching' them anything. Sleep will generally come naturally with maturity and if it must happen prematurely there are many more humane ways to of doing things.
AS a single mother i did try everything else and still was not getting the sleep i needed so i can function at work. i love my daughter but nothing was working except her sleeping in with me, but i didn't sleep good because she was with me. When i did the CIO i only let her cry for 2-5 min and it was never truly upset cry, it was more of a complaining cry. after 2 days of it she goes to sleep within minutes of me laying her down in her crib even when she is wide awake when i lay her down
I used to use CIO but gave it up when I started learning more about it. My daughter's sleeping habits as well as her behavior, confidence and, yes, independence all improved for the better with the change. Like night and day. I know now that an infant is dependent on mommy and daddy, that's the way it is, and that when a child is allowed to become independent on their own time table they do so in a much easier and healthier manner than when forced into it. It makes sense, really.
Good stuff, Ivansmom, thank you!
I think there is a right way and wrong way to CIO. Maybe what I think of as CIO isn't really CIO?
I used the graduated CIO method on my older two. The first time was tougher on my and her dad. It worked well and I think by the 20 min mark we accomplished teaching her to sleep in her own room independantly and there was no harm done to any of us.
I haven't used this method on my youngest yet, but when it comes time to move her to her own room we'll see. I had to come up with a dif plan for her bedtime recently because she had gotten used to going to bed with a bottle. I broke her of that by making a simple loving ten min routine that seems to have worked very well. I will try and do whichever works for her when it comes time to put her in her own room (which will likely be against her will).
Does this "don't let the CIO philosophy" mean you run to pick baby up at every cry? How does that teach them and help them grow? I am just curious what happens when a baby isn't allowed to cry? And, what about the mom? Is it really healthy for moms to cater to every whim like that? I am not asking to criticise. Since this is the internet you can't see or hear how I am asking those questions. I am really asking because I want to hear the answers.
In my opinion on the subject right now it is just like everything in life. There must be balance. There is no absolute. There is no one way or the other 100%. A little of both methods is the best.
I have never done CIO with any of my children. I feel strongly against it.
I had to use CIO with all of my kids. It was the only way they learned how to fall asleep on their own. Heartbreaking? yes but I also needed to sleep. I was a starting to become a huge bitch and wasn't being the mother my kids needed. Do their mistrust me, NO. They still come to me for all their boo-boos, wants and needs.